Trying to move on

[ClingingToHope]

The end is near. The L painted a horrible picture for me. If W dug in her heels, I'd owe more in child support than I'm paying now and be ordered to pay for daycare, insurance, etc.

The only way to get around the big child support number is to have W agree on joint physical custody. He said if I could get her to agree while we are split and then file four months later, I could convince a judge since it's working we should keep it up.

My head was swimming. I had to call W anyway to make sure she called the bus department to change where the girls are dropped off.

She asked me about the weekend and I brought up the fact I'd like to have them another night during the week. She said she'd have to think about it.

Then I just jumped in. What's going on. She said she still needs to save the $1,000 to file. She's seen three lawyers and is going to use this one in Rockford. She might have the money by March.

There was zero hesitation in her voice. She sounded happy to talk about it.

So I told her I just got out of seeing my attorney and he didn't give me a lot of hope, that I'm going to get killed in divorce.

She said we have a lot of debt and we should sit down on a weekend and come up with an agreement and then take that to the lawyers. She said she wouldn't need the full child support while we're still paying off debt.

This, of course, is my best-case scenario ... but it still just sucks. I'm in tremendous pain today. Eight months apart, the relationship classes, the LRT since October to give her time and space to miss me. And she doesn't. Not at all. She just sounded so damn happy.

I'm a mess.

I know I should jump on her offer and get this going. I know that. I know that. I know that.

She's pounded it into my head that she has no feelings for me and I still, even today, refuse to believe it. I don't know if I'm ever going to get over this.