For those with a WAS...How do you cope?

[Gardener]

Courts, I have to spend some time and catch up on your sitch.
In the meantime, thinking about you and hoping you're well.

[courts0818]

Thanks, Gardener.

I don't have much new to report. The last couple of weeks were really busy with the holidays and things.

H ended up coming over for his bday last night and we actually talked. Wow...I can't believe some of the stuff that's going on at his work. His boss has been texting him and telling him he's so lucky - things like this...'I wish I was 34 like you and not 46. You are young and good looking. I know at least 3 women that want you.' Yeah...can you believe that??? His boss claims to be my friend and clamis to be supportive.

As if my H needs to be told other women want him. His work has become nothing but a dramamatic mess and he's under all kinds of pressure to run the place. I think he's so stressed and unhappy there that he can't see happiness anywhere else - especially at home with me. It's like our home is just another place that wants to suck more out of him.

And then last night I found out that one of my really good friends is pregnant. I had an emotional meltdown. I'm so happy for her. But we were pregnant together with our daughters. We did everything together - exercised, looked at baby products, attended each other's showers...everything. And now our girls play together and they do a lot of things together. I felt like I had been run over by a truck - it's so hard when everything you want is so out of reach. It's so hard when your S makes the choice to not love you back.

Sigh...staying strong and positive, but feel like I'm running out of gas.

[Gardener]

Courts,

Sigh...staying strong and positive, but feel like I'm running out of gas.

Keep journaling ,posting, and explaining.
we'll top off your tank!

[bluerain]

(((Courtney))) Im sorry, those things can be really tough. I have one of those mini-meltdowns everytime I hear that kind of news. Keep coming on here and venting to us.

Happy New Year! All things considered...

[Lll54]

I feel you with the pregnancy thing. Five out of seven of the women in my mommy group are pregnant. Had this not happened we planned to be there now too this month. Ugh. Here is to hoping we will be there again one day!

[courts0818]

I'm in a mood...not even sure what kind of mood. At this point, I'm not sure what my next steps should be. We're going on 16 months of H being out of the house and 18 months since the unhappy bomb rocked my world. Are things ever going to change? I need to know what the hell he is thinking, but he's not talking.

I know, I know...keep working on me, GAL, PMA, focus on me and our DD. What? For another 5 years and still be here wondering if he'll ever come home? Ugh...

I'm not in a horrible mood or depressed or anything - I'm just feeling a little something today and not sure what. Such is the life of the LBS....

[courts0818]

I think I'm having a hard time bc DD keeps asking about daddy. Now that she's almost 3.5 she is really noticing that he's not here.

She's been saying this stuff over and over - "where's daddy?" "when will daddy be here?" "I wanna see daddy."

It's so frustrating and I'm sick of answering questions that are a direct result of his crappy behavior. And every time I try to talk to him about it - he jokes around - saying stuff like, "See, I'm the favorite." I'm sure he's joking bc he knows what he's doing is hurting her. That's his immature way of coping with it.

I'm always stuck in the middle and he just walks away not facing things. I'm left to answer the ?s and do the work.

What do I do? I wanna text him each time she asks so he gets the picture and realizes how much she's asking for him. But, that doesn't seem productive and it will probably come across as pursuing.

Ahhhhh....he needs to be accountable to her.

[LuLu]

Court- I'm sorry. It's the little ones that break my heart the most. I don't know what else to do but be the better person and say, "Daddy's not coming today but he loves you very much." I wish I had a dollar for every time I said that or a variation of it. When one of the girls really misses their dad, I let them call and talk to him.

((Hugs to you))

[courts0818]

I haven't posted for a couple of weeks, but I came across something today that really spoke to me. It encouraged me and kept me from snapping at my H tonight.

Just thought I'd share in hopes it might encourage someone else.

January 26, 2010
Words of Life or Death
by Melanie Chitwood


"The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences." Proverbs 18:21 (NLT)


Devotion:

I often hear my husband Scott say something to my sons that brings a smile to my face. "Have you told your mom you love her today? Don't ever forget you have the best mom in the world." When I hear him praise me to our sons, I feel encouraged and appreciated. From my husband's example, I've learned to be careful about the words I say not only to my husband but also about my husband.

Today's verse tells us our words can bring "death or life." In our marriages, this means our words can either tear down our spouses or build them up. I've been noticing lately if I'm more likely to say words such as, "I'm married to the greatest man." Or do my words tend to be critical, such as, "I told you so," or "You don't even try to understand me"? What about you and your words to your husband? When you speak to your husband, do you fill him up with praise or make him feel like he's not measuring up?

Now let's consider the words we say about our husbands to others. What kind of things do you say about your husband to your children, best friend, sister, or mother? I tend to be a venter when I am angry or frustrated with my husband. Sometimes I turn to others because I'm seeking validation for my angry feelings. Often I vent when I haven't taken the time first to deal with the situation with God. I'm learning that if I go to the Lord first in prayer, pouring out my heart to Him, He changes my heart and brings me to a place of repentance and calmness. Then I'm able to let go of my anger and move on or talk to my husband in a loving manner.

Scripture gives plenty of evidence that God's words have the power of life. In Genesis we're told God created every inch of the world with His spoken words. John 1:1 tells us that Jesus is the Word. Throughout the Gospels, Jesus heals countless people with the power of His words. In a similar manner, God wants our words to bring life to our marriages. We can choose what we will sow—words of life or words of death—and we will reap the consequences many times over.

So will you take some time today to consider the words you use to and about your spouse? Use today's application steps to fill up your husband with words of life.

Dear Lord, let my words to my spouse and about my spouse draw us closer to one another. Teach me to communicate in ways that build my husband up. Help me hold my tongue when I'm about to say something that will tear him down. If pride, stubbornness, selfishness, or any other sin is preventing me from speaking words of life in our marriage, Lord, I confess that right now. Make me aware of any words of death I've spoken in our marriage, and as the Holy Spirit brings those to my mind, help me confess and turn from them, especially any words of divorce. Break any curse on our marriage from hurtful, angry, or destructive words. Guided by Your wisdom and love, may our words to and about one another build a protective wall around our marriage. In Jesus' Name, Amen.