Happy Holidays to everyone that finds themselves here. I know for many of us this past holiday season may quite possibly been the worst holiday season we have had to face. I hope that the next year sees better times for all.
Anyway I've not posted on this forum for some time- I've returned to lurking once in a great while, looking for pearls of wisdom. I had reached a point earlier where I felt the M was forever broken and all hope lost. I believed I had accepted the reality of my pending D, moved out and tried to begin rebuilding some kind of new life. I felt that I no longer needed DBing anymore other than the afore mentioned pearls of wisdom.
Strange thing is that the more I started down the path of acceptance and continued to make changes for me I started noticing small changes in W, nothing major she is still having an EA with OM and that has seemed to only escalate, but more recently she has said things such as - you lost weight you look nice. You seem so much more positive about everything lately, more like the person I first felt attracted to, etc. for the most part is true these have been real changes for me that have come out my own personal growth and not motivated by – I’m trying to get you back, etc.
The thing is- I know that I still love her and would work on the M if opportunity allowed but I’m not sure where I am at right now. I wonder if I have gone too far down this path to do that and if the choices I have made have been counter-productive to such a cause anyway. I have pretty much adopted the stance that I wanted to preserve our friendship and be amicable for the sake of our kids and also felt that I wanted to try and ‘rise’ above all this and be the ‘better’ person leaving any anger or negative feelings behind – I still think that what my W did is completely wrong – no way to excuse it – but that is on her and I want to know that I chose to not let that embitter me or affect the kind of person I want to be.
I’ve accepted the things I know that I’ve done wrong or contributed to this situation and have forgiven myself and her. So now my questions to you sage counselors are:
1)Anyone else gone down a similar path? If so your outcome/advice? 2)Anyone disagree with my approach and why? 3)Welcome any other constructive comments.
