W, I want you home. I want us to reconcile. I want us to have a wonderful, vibrant, passionate M. That is my goal. I hope it is our goal. So, let me be clear about a couple of steps on the path to reaching such a place.
I'm unwilling to have you move in until I trust that we are both committed to an exclusive romantic R and that you are no longer hiding inappropriate R's from me. I will need the name of your A partner, your cell phone bills, and your email passwords to help build trust. Building trust is not easy, but it is important. So, there will need to be full transparency until I feel comfortable. I am also willing to offer you full transparency.
Also, I will no longer accept certain behaviors long-term. I'm not expecting them to disappear immediately altogether. Growth is a process. But, I will not tolerate very many such behaviors for very long. These are the kinds of things that I have called controlling or anger problems. It is up to you how and whether you change them. It is up to me how I react to them and whether and how long I choose to be with someone who demonstrates these behaviors.
I also need to trust that you are will change your behaviors. It is easy for us to build this trust through time and experience. We BOTH need to find new behaviors to replace our patterns.
Step into the deep end with me. Together, we can do this, and wind up with a great marriage and a lot of hot sex.
