Keep Your Hands Offa My Mojo

[hoosiermama]

"I don't know why you refuse to talk to me about anything but the kids. It's like I don't even know you."

Yeah -- that's right. And the gods know I don't know her. Or this manifestation of her.

But the weird thing is that I'm increasingly comfortable admitting to myself that, if this is who she "really" is, I don't really care to know her. This is not the kind of person I like.

And holy smokes, man, what a thing to admit! I mean, we met in 1987. That's a whole lot of Gone, that Gone that's gone, know what I mean? But this...creature...that looks vaguely like the person I knew? Blechh.

What I've come to realize in my situation, SP, is that my xH was really this person all along underneath, but had enough impulse control and common sense and self-control to appear more "normal." To fool me, and a lot of people. At some point, and it was sudden, the brakes came off and he was who he is now. That's MrsSP as well--no different, but the brakes are off and she's running with her impulses leading the way.

the way I conceptualized Couplehood, She has 100% of X and 50% of Y, He has 50% of Y and 100% of Z, and together 100+50+50+100 sum to 100 -- The Couple Complete.

Now that "we're on our own," as she likes to say," I confess to do fear the consequences of that missing 50%.

Yeah, I can empathize with this fear of inadequacy. The thing is, I've expanded to fill the void and sometimes I'm now at 110% "on my own." And you have been, too. You just don't see it now. It's like one of those critters--I can't remember the species right now--that grows a new limb or tail if they lose the one they've got--you'll grow from this far more than you realize. And fortunately, you kinda had 100% in the parenting area--that's pretty clear--so no worries there. I absolutely understand the fear--every single parent has it--but it won't look so un-doable down the road, I promise.