Possible baby step from my H. When I found out about our dog's possible tumor, I had a tough decision to make. This would be our third time removing a tumor and my H said that he would leave the decision up to me, but I could tell he had hesitancy to put her through this again (that and finances). He said the decision was up to me as she was my dog before our marriage. After praying all night and all morning about it, I came to my decision.
I called him expecting him to behave a bit rudely towards me because I decided that finances aside, she was a healthy dog otherwise and I wanted to go through with the surgery. When I called him, I was incredibly nervous. I started the conversation by telling him that I would appreciate his support on my decision and in a sense was asking him permission. (You see, I have made all decisions my whole life and our whole marriage. I played to his senses a bit by "asking permission". I can tell my husband deeply wants to feel like "the man". I can understand that and it is a completely justified feeling). He responded very kindly, "I will fully support you on this and we will find a way to make this happen and we will get through this". He went on to say that he agreed with me because she is a perfectly healthy happy dog with the exception of the tumor and that "we" will do this. I asked him for some help during the recovery time to which he agreed.
He has spit venom at me for months now when I have shown any vulnerability, but today he was different and spoke for the first time in terms of "we". I always thought that we made the best team and when we went through our dog's first surgery, that's exactly what we were; a team. My heart felt so much lighter after his response to me. Don't get me wrong, he is still very guarded in his tone, but there was a support from him I haven't felt in months. Possibly because I empowered him a little by "asking" instead of telling him???
