When is having an affair ever a "right choice"? My opinion is that if you have unmet needs, you take them to your spouse and work together to meet them. If they refuse, you live with it or you S or D and move on without a 3rd party. It's my Christian belief. I'm not against divorce but I am against affairs but know that we are all human and succumb. Others may disagree and I can respect that.
I understand her needs were not met but I NEVER demanded or forced her in any way to have sex. She was always the gatekeeper for sex and she was in total control of that. My W is no wall flower and is never coerced into anything. Maybe you were referring to the abuse being forced on her but it was not me. I do agree with you about her being numb from her unhappiness and unmet needs and fully understand and accept my part of not meeting her emotional needs and why she had the affair but it still does not justify an affair IMO. Are you saying it does?
I also agree about the resentment issue for me. It's why I went to a recovery group to get rid of it and feel pretty good about it being gone. I will always have the memory and scar from it but it no longer owns me nor is it part of my life. Even my W has told me that.
