What are the three best ways to having a chance at having a family back???
1.working on me...GAL'ing calm, cool, confident, mysterious 2.KISS,no relationship talk 3.Stop trying to fix this???
Yes to all 3, except I think you feel like the GAL is a trick to get her interested in you.
And that is just for the CHANCE. No guarentees.
But you knew this. I'm just wondering what happened. You were doing great and then its like you threw everything out the window.
None of this stuff is going to work today, or tomorrow, she ain't coming back because today you decide to walk with a swagger, or stop trying to fix her today.
Maybe in a few months. Maybe more than that. Maybe not.
I'll tell you this, I wouldn't trust a person who seemed to flip flop from day to day or week to week or month to month with their attitudes, actions or words. Why should she? And she is going to be your harshest critic.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
The GAL isn't a trick, my GAL'ing actually being more intuned at work and Facebooking,coaching,teaching D to drive, going to the Y and occasionally a bar down the st. Just the basics, I'm comfortable with those and not being someone I didn't want to be.
I've been telling you off for a couple hrs...ha, but really I have been.
I never faked or tricked anything or anybody,I'm not going to trick myself.
Going out is not going to get my family back.
I don't have a beat in a bone in my body, I'm trying to play this guitar, but it's not me.
What makes me, me, is I'm nice and generous to a fault.
I was always Tokyo.
Focusing on her and worrying about her are two very different things, there isn't a thing I can do to help her.
ah nevermind, this is just a vent.
jack it's tough to get 19yrs to fit in 100 and some odd posts.
i know what she said and she's forgotten what she has said.
That's what is so frustrating.
She said don't ever leave me, worry about me and focus on the kids, this is going to take a bit to get thru, and do not get angry.
She also said do not file divorce...
I'd rather keep my word and so much of me was pretty good, it's just she didn't get to see it.
I was at work, while she dealt with the stresses of work,kids,herself,and me.
I have a deep compassion and empathy for what she's going thru and I don't know how to show her, she has and is doing nothing wrong, just buy us sometime and it will all get better.
I have a deep compassion and empathy for what she's going thru and I don't know how to show her, she has and is doing nothing wrong, just buy us sometime and it will all get better.
Don't worry about showing her. That is not important. If you make real changes she will notice but you do not tell.
Time - Get ready to invest a lot of it. You have lots of time! This is not going to be a short ride.
What has happened here? You had a course of action and appear to have diverted from it entirely. While reading your posts and catching up, I could do little but shake my head. The email to the MIL-unneeded, returning the gifts from your wife-disrespectful, repeatedly telling her you can take care of everything-controlling.
She keep going back to what she said in the summer...guess what! She was lying...sorry...just the truth. You know it, I know it, the whole world knows it, but yet you continue to hang your hat on it.
I had warned you about getting angry....and your posts of late show a man drowning in anger. Time to right the ship. You think that she can get farther away. You ask if your behavior can drive her farther away....the answer is YES and I think you are more than likely doing a pretty could job at accomplishing that.
It has been frustrating for me to see you take so few steps towards truly regaining your personal identity. Hiding at home on Facebook or working isn't going to help you on the journey of personal enrichment that will help you in the end. Read the posts of people who have been on here longer than a year. See how there posts change in context.....that is what happens when you start finding good stable ground to stand on. Your posts haven't made it to that point.
This takes time...lots of time...and lots of self evaluation. I have been at it now for almost three years and my wife is deciding that I am the better choice. Guess what...I know I still have a lot of work to do....not for my marriage or for my wife....but for myself. Once you have regained your identity and self....everything else will fall into place.
Sorry about the 2x4....been awhile since I have been here, but I think you really need it.
lost i haven't been angry yet, frustrated yes, but not angry, i'd be angry and vengeful if i hadn't found you guys.
there's a reason all this is happening.
she's communicating with me more.
and i've settled a little bit back into a routine, finding friends haven't seen since high school and not really paying the wife much attention.
higher ground man, just strugglin with the patience and finding myself.
finding it at work, really feels good to be moving again. and i'm here reading the forums or on face book or reading when don't have the kids vs drinking and running around.
