I found it really helped to focus on her primary love languages. Hers are "quality time" and "words of affirmation," whereas mine are off-the-charts "Physical Touch" and WOAs. She told our MC that I had been on my laptop one nite, and she initiated a conversation with me about her career, and I actually folded my screen down, set the laptop on the table, made eye contact with her and LISTENED to her for 20 minutes. She actually CHOKED UP when she related this story to the MC, telling her how much it had meant to her!!!
And it really didn't take that much effort (not that I'm not willing to make the effort, I'm just trying to make the point here) -- just spoke to HER LL, instead of MINE.
I too found it helpful to not over-pursue. Every time I begin to do that, my wife pulls away again.
