Spouse Suffering From Depression

[Lucky11too]

So H and I had lunch yesterday (positive in the sense that he initiated it). The problem is that throughout lunch, he kept taking jabs at me, ending with something like “b/c you left me” or “I bet you’re regretting leaving me now, huh.” Then continuing to push me about how I don’t know where he lives and how he will never tell me. I think it’s just a control issue, but super annoying. I just ignored him b/c I know he loves to push my buttons and get a reaction out of me. It was just frustrating though.

So interesting point # 2, H is going to get a tattoo today. I hate tattoos and think they are disgusting (no offense to anyone who has one here – just my person preference). He got a big one on his left arm a couple of months ago for our S (an anchor with S’s b-day on it – representing that S keeps him grounded), but this time he is doing a full arm tattoo! Ugg. It’s going to be an owl on top of a time piece on one side and an angel reaching for heaven on the other with the saying “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars”- Kahlil Gibran. I’m glad that he picks things that have meaning to him, but really, tattoos??? And now’s it like, even if we do get back together, tattoos are permanent!!! =/ It’s not a deal breaker b/c really, I know, it’s just skin deep, but still, just not very attractive to me…

I know I need to stay in the now, but it’s hard not to think about the future. I think about how much there is to overcome still. This was highlighted to me when we went out on New Years. I met all these people (his new friends), and realized he has this whole new life that I know nothing about and am not a part of, and don’t see how I would ever fit back into that new life of his. It was all very eye opening.