Am I Ready for This?

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Upside, I remember you from way back.. I was amazed to see your update and then sad to see he changed his mind. You are right, it DOES seem cruel.. my bf dated me for the best part of 8 months to turn around and go NC and date the woman at work who had been his friend at the beginning of his MLC/breakdown. I really dont think they can help it or AT THE TIME, realise how cruel they are being and how much hurt they are causing.

My bf has depression and he has since said, he was just barely functioning, he almost didnt care what happened to him, BUT he knew he had to be sensible and keep his career going and in fact, he did well in his job during the whole of our separation, despite looking like a desperate man mostly when I saw him. He was good at mask wearing - appearing ok to business colleagues and friends, but not to me, you too can see the turmoil in your H.

As for NC for 3 days, snodderly is right.. thats nothing to a depressed MLCer. My bf once did not phone me for 4 MONTHS! He did email a bit during that time, he has since said he had no idea it was so long that we hadnt spoken and he cannot explain why he stopped contacting me when in fact he missed me terribly, still loved me and thought about me all the time.

Makes no sense! Depression doesnt though, nor some of these mid life meltdowns that some men go on.

We are now back together and like Yellowrose said, he is this loving, kind, attentive guy now.. who hates it if I am MIA for over an hour and starts thinking about ringing the hospitals to check I am ok! I pointed out, but you once didnt speak to me for 4 months and now you worry if I am missing unexplained for an HOUR !?

Hang in then.. if you know you are ok anyway, then be ok. I would rather be you (and me) than have the terrible depression and stuckedness that the MLC/WAS has, knowing that they are the cause of all this and having that guilt on top too. Which, from what my bf has told me, is tremendous and weighs heavily on them every single day.

He said to me, the 2 years that he was 'gone' was just.. he felt insular, aloof, like he needed space. To think my loving best friend and partner of 14 years total could rent a flat and not TELL ME the address even, beggars belief. It really is like they are possessed or kidnapped, but they DO come through it. I was lucky in my bf came back and although still depressed, 2 1/2 years on our R is restored.

Give him space, definety dont contact him until it gets into two weeks I would say and then maybe think about some light neutral non-pressurising contact with him. If and when he does call you, be FINE, cheerful, dont add any guilt or stress. Be accepting, be cool, make it ok for him that he disappeared for 3+ days. If you have it in you to keep on keeping on that is. You know the drill right, after 3 years !! Good luck, sorry for being verbose!
Al xxx