K4D It's a Wonderful Life

[CityGirl]

On page 61 of this thread you made a post that said the following:

I truly hate myself
I truly hate my life
I just don't enjoy my life at all, I truly hate it
I hate coming home alone every other night

IMO those are very serious (and honest) declarations. And why do you feel that way? If I had to guess it would be due to your situation.

How in the world can anything you post NOT be about your situation if you truly hate your life that much?

How does one change and remove self hatred? I am not 100% sure but it *does* all come back to your situation. Only you can change that. What the rest of us can do (as in all the participants of this fine forum) is broach topics, share experiences and brainstorm ideas to perhaps assist you in getting your brain moving in a more positive direction.

Once again perhaps we need to agree to disagree. When an individual (and it could be any of us) makes such disparaging comments it is all about the "situation".

Maybe we are all just desensitized to such statements as we read thread after thread of heartache, confusion and other difficulties we all face. I feel though, no matter who makes them, the above phrases are very serious and do relate directly to the situation at hand.

[Startingover2]

On page 61 of this thread you made a post that said the following:

I truly hate myself
I truly hate my life
I just don't enjoy my life at all, I truly hate it
I hate coming home alone every other night

I have made those same statements to a degree myself. Not sure about Kevin, but as a wife/mother/stay at home mome for over 20 years now that has become my identity. I gave up my own self for my family. Who I was was taking care of them. I knew nothing else...no hobbies, no social life outside my children and husband. So when my family fell apart and I only had my older kids part time I felt so lost. I hated my life. Everything I knew was stripped away and I felt like I didn't know what to do with myself. Especially when it was not your choice to end your family and you have to suck it up and go on.


Not saying they are right or wrong....just that I can relate!

[Drew]

If I might be so bold, I think what Kevin hates is that his life isn't turning out the way he planned or at least envisioned it. I know that was an issue for me. I think what clued me in was the statement he made along the lines of "then I married W and life began."

Kevin, unless you were born married, you had a life before and will have a life after whatever happens. It's YOUR choice where you take it from here.

[CityGirl]

I can relate too! I think we all can!

What I was attempting to articulate is most of the fear, self hatred, guilt <insert difficult emotion here> all goes back to the very painful situation of having a marriage end.

There is nothing wrong with feeling what you (general you) must feel but allowing yourself to feel that way for a year or two is not healthy. At some point we all have to pull ourselves up and get our brain working in a new direction. Some people turn to counseling, religion, a new career, new hobbies... *something* that will assist them in starting to rebuild.

I understand those moments of self hatred won't just go away and from time to time they may crop up but based on my own experience it is very unhealthy (both emotionally and physically) to allow those thoughts to be so prominent all the time.

I felt really frightened when I read that post. What else is there to do? Keep talking about how sad, miserable or <insert emotion here> or at least try and help each other get our brains moving in a new way.

And, FWIW, even though my situation is over I still read this forum each day and participate in a "real life" divorce support group. I do that because I often need inspiration.

I simply feel that eventually some balance must be attained. It's not easy, I know. We all know.

[K4D]

I truly hate myself
I truly hate my life
I just don't enjoy my life at all, I truly hate it
I hate coming home alone every other week

I will admit that I do truly feel this way sometimes. But I also realize that when I start feeling this way, I have to find a way to pull myself out of it. And it is in all honesty because this is not how I envisioned my life going. It was ripped apart mostly by my doing. Not all, but a good part of it. And for that reason, I find myself hating my own self at times because of the mistakes that I made that caused a lot of this situation for myself and my kids and the other factor.

It is an emotion that I am aware that I have to defeat by improving my life and finding joy, yet security and stableness and hope for a good future by working at things I have never had to work at before in changing me from within.

It takes daily work to refocus myself. It is very easy to fall back into dispair at times. It takes work to keep from letting that happen. At times I fall into it anyways.

I am still mulling over a beneficial education that I would enjoy that would also pay off in the long run.

D7's birthday is coming up on the 15th of this month. She is excited about it and talking about it.

Kevin

[CityGirl]

I also wanted to add it is very easy to throw yourself into *something* just for the sake of doing it. IMO the very crucial element of turning your (again, general you) is to find some meaningful and real personal fulfillment. Anybody can say they are doing new things and yes, after being left in a marriage it's hard to even focus/function, eventually though we have to stop "faking it" and really start searching for something that is real. That *something* is different for everybody but I am certain that it can exist for everybody.

Life is very fragile and very short. The difference between life and death is one breath. Often times we have to do a tremendous amount of searching to find our individual *something* that will bring us personal fulfillment. Otherwise how do we begin to overcome the self hatred? If there is some magic formula I am not aware of I would LOVE to know it! There comes a time when we have to stop drifting through "things" and begin searching. It could be something small or a major life change but stepping on the path is essential.

Nobody said this was easy. It's tough. For most of us it will be one of the top 3 most difficult experiences of our life.

[CityGirl]

Well, can you at least try and understand why your post frightened me? You are very fragile and reading such statements from you that you posted late at night after another unproductive encounter with your W was *very* concerning to me.

If I said I was in a ton of physical pain and I was sick of taking all my meds and getting labs and seeing my dr. what would you say? I hope you would kick my butt something fierce and tell me that would NOT be acceptable.

[K4D]

Well, can you at least try and understand why your post frightened me? You are very fragile and reading such statements from you that you posted late at night after another unproductive encounter with your W was *very* concerning to me.

I can certainly understand how that came across. And I am glad you decided to whip my butt into shape. We all need a pick me up now and then. I just have a tendecy to beat myself up for things I caused and then further dwell on the results of those which leads to discontment within myself and my life at times. Like I said and you also said, it takes work to keep myself from heading down that mind thought.

Kevin

[K4D]

And yes CG,

I would definitely try and pull you out of it if I saw you talking like that. I do it for others I know as well.

Kevin

[K4D]

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