She texted me later and asked if we could talk, I complied, but what I did to avoid any physical traps was to go to the shop and work.
She called when she left- It came a flood, Sorry I've done this, this is not me, this is very hard on me, i would suggest seperation but I totally understand why your against it, I do love you, it isn't you it's me - etc. etc..
She asked me several times what I was thinking, I stuck with I 'm confused or I am just listening to you. And she would start again. 2 things that tell me it is working on her -
1) She said " I am not running to OM, that is not what I want. My problem is that I have only been with one man for 20 yrs I allowed that to happen and I am not alright with it. I am not and did not pursue it, I told him I was sad for him, I meant I missed our friendship and I loved him as a friend, it crossed a line, your right and I haven't been able to forgive myself.
2) I don't want a divorce and i hope there is a glimmer of hope that I can get my thoughts straight before this ends. I understand you deserve better, You do, any woman would be crazy not to love you. Your sexy,smart,hardworking, successful, a great daddy - than she started crying again -
I told her to calm down I heard what she said. Be careful and concentrate on driving. We can talk again tommorrow.
Tough Love, let her work on it, keep focus and lend an ear not a hand -yet.
She's still suggesting separation, she wouldn't need to be physically separated if she was pursuing additional education, a new career, etc. or if she wanted to work on the marriage. She suggests that so that she can have her own place and pursue relations with this or another OM.
First you kick her out or attempt to now she is suggesting separation? She wants it, she turned it around so that instead of you kicking her out, she is the one who is suggesting it.
When she mentions separation, you agree with her, tell her that's what you want.
When she brings up only being with you for the past 20 years and never being with another man, she's looking for some "strange", she wants something different, it's a physical thing, seriously there isn't much you can do about that except move on.
Remember that part I mentioned about that you "get it", if you guys talk about this again, say it like I said it, you get it, she wants something different, and when she mentions the 20 years of just being with you, you agree, you feel it too, you've been thinking you want to experience some new women too.
She basically took what you were supposed to say and said it herself in her own way, "you're a great guy, you would make any woman happy, you're smart, sexy, a great provider, a great dad, etc." and yet even though you have this awesome list of qualities she's still looking for some "strange".
Let go of her, let her be with the OM. Agree with her on the separation, tell her she needs to move out soon, within the next few weeks, you guys will arrange joint custody and you will start enjoying your single life as well.
I'm sure you guys will have additional conversations but they will all go like this. You aren't willing to be in an open relationship with her, you can learn to forgive her for her infidelity but if she chooses the OM, you're done, there won't be any marriage counselling, reconciliation talks, etc. You will just move on. You can't and won't be with someone who doesn't want to be with you by choice.
