Pls help--confused and fearful

[Day by Day]

I do want to. But my L suggested I continue asking for $ daily until I file for proof of how he's denying it. My utilities might get shut off, but bad for him. He thinks he's spiting me but it only hurts himself. Stupid arrogant man. It's a bit humiliating to beg for $ everyday and get rejected, but it's for a reason. But, you have my promise here... I won't respond. I'll vent here.

Ugh... yes, I agree my responses fuel their fantasy. Sick. Motivation enough not to respond. P, you are pushing my buttons getting me to listen. lol