Sometimes I feel that too. The love just isn't there anymore but I know deep down it is. What cutter said before - you lock a little bit of love away in your heart for them - it mean that one day maybe you can reconcile, maybe you can D but it also means that you don't get twisted with hate and bitterness. D's mum doesn't have a nice word to say about W and while I don't defend W, I do try and get her to stop. That's the love that's left.
I do however hate having that love. It would be so much easier without it.
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It's the history, the lack of closure, the betrayal that keeps me from a complete dropping of the rope.
For me it WAS also the not knowing - W never really communicated with me throughout the M (I can see that now) so I never really knew what was good, bad or indifferent. She never said. The onyl time she talked about her feelings was when she wrote me a letter after the split. Unfortunately I now know that the majority of that letter is cr*p (it talks about only me and her in the R etc.) so I am still none the wiser on the why's and wherefor's. However I am have given up on that as I know I am unlikely to ever find out - as many people have said in here 'how are you supposed to understand when she doesn't even know herself'.
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My pain is still there, but much, much less than it used to be. I'm feeling excitement about getting the pain over with and finally closing the door yet that is a scary feeling too.
Another nail hit on the head. I'm excited to see what the rest of my life has to offer but I really miss the old W.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
