Question

[awest1217]

Well, I am not going to post much anymore because I have lost all hope and honestly I don't feel like listening to everyone bash everything because I am not in that place right now. Vacation was wonderful we really reconnected, but he said he still did not want to come home. Then during vacation H kept texting OW and some other things came out so I broke down asking him to just come home because he kept saying how he wants us to work and he wants to come home, but he is scared. After vacation, everything broke down, and it culminated last Monday when I ended up doing some things I am not proud of at all because I was so broken, hurt, sad, mad, angry, and any other negative emotion you can feel. NOw H has not talked to me since Monday. He won't tell me if he is goign to file or if he just needs some time to himself. I am completely broken and just getting by hour by hour, not even day by day. My brother says I need to just divorce H because he is worried for my safety and of vacation was worried that I would never come home. IT just completely sucks because we went from an awesome vacation and Christmas where H was saying he loved me and we were really having fun and reconnecting to now him saying he hates me. I am so broken and have broken down crying at work every day this week. I don't know what to do and I don't know how to get myself up. I know a lot of you are going to come with 2x4's because I have been stupid, but I really need my husband and he is not himself at all. He has turned into this monster and I am afraid for him.

I did contact one of his friends that was in our wedding to talk to him, and she said she is there for me too, but I want her to just talk to H first so maybe she can help him. I am very sad, broken, scared, hurt, and confused right now. I had a wonderful Christmas and was very hopeful...now there is nothing and I feel it.