How do you release the anger?

[cat04]

TCBE,

I am glad you posted this question because it is something we all struggle with through this nightmare.

For me, releasing the anger was huge. For a while, the amount of anger I had actually consumed me. It took some time, I looked at each issue instead of the big picture. As I did that, I realized that not all of the anger was even because of what my H was doing. Some of it was from my past, just being resurrected because the feelings were similar.

I had a huge fear of abandonment. That caused me to have a ton of anger at H when I felt like he had abandoned me as well. As I dealt with each issue individually, healed what I could and accepted what I had to, with each issue, my anger toward H and others dwindled.

I prayed a lot. Searched for strength within myself that I never thought I had. I read a lot of helpful books, wrote letters just venting things (although I never mailed them), and realized that most people do the best they can with the tools that they have and for me, the biggest thing, was trying to determine people’s intentions. I have found that if I feel that someone’s intention was not to create hurt and problems for me, but to try, in their own way, to improve a situation for themselves, it is easier to not be angry. We don’t all handle things the same way, and I might have tried different options, but…

I still find that certain things will trigger angry feelings within and I have to look in the mirror again. It is ok to do that. Also, I learned that forgivness is for me, not for H or anyone else. So I want to forgive now. Simply because it keeps me in a better place. And just because I forgive someone, that doesn’t mean that I am giving them or anyone else permission to hurt me again.

Maybe someone else has a better answer but, that is what works here.