Hopefully you did not bring up the cell phone. You need proof. I initially brought up my suspicion of wife's EA too early, before I had proof (I only had the warning signs). W denied it and tried to throw me off track. Talked about how good friends they were and said she would share their e-mails with me. Then came about 1 planted e-mail a day to her account that she would show me.
The second confrontation went much better. Had proof of text messages with the words I love you going back and forth and more, I had proof from phone records of number of texts and phone calls daily. She initially started denying it and I used the phrase I read on someone else's sitch with "stop, I know all about you and OM, I think at a minimum I deserve the truth." She then immediately caved and admitted to EA. I never showed her any of the proof, just spouted it off the top of my head and quoted some of their texts including one that I would never be able to just come up with if I hadn't read it.
All confronting without proof could do is make them be more secretive. Luckily for me, that wasn't the case. She was careless and I finally got proof and then could draw a boundary which is the only hope of ever getting it to stop (and even that might not do it).
Keep the faith, keep a positive attitude. Don't give up. I'm not an expert by any stretch, I've screwed up more times than I can count and I rely on expert help. My sitch is far, far from a positive ending, but I can say things are a little better. not much, but a little. I can only offer my experience with bringing up an A, having done it the wrong way and the right way and seeing the difference.
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
gutwrenching - Did not bring up the cell phone. Funny thing was when we were sitting there eating a girl she went to school with that works there came over. After the girl walked away..."I can't stand her. She knew that one of my friends boyfriends was cheating on her and didn't say anything." Crazy. I don't think she is cheating, I think I was trying to find anything to make sense of this sitch. Thanks for the input tho. How are things between you and your wife?
Does anyone think I have hope since W said she was not 100% sure about D? Am I looking too much into things? Should I just lay low?
Why shouldn't you have hope?
Just because she says she's 100% for divorce now doesn't mean her mind can't change. She didn't marry you with the plan to divorce you a few years later; circumstances pushed her to make the choice. Change the circumstances again, and you can change her thinking again.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Am I looking too much into things? Should I just lay low?
Is this correct, you started up with your wife when she was 16 years old and you were 22? and didnt spend 3 days apart except for once until October when she moved out?
Your wife has told you what she wants and needs, correct? (Perchance, a need to get out, grow up, meet new people, try something different, experience what life is about).
Are you listening or are you trying to read into what she is saying? You should believe 100% of what she says and everything she does. She is telling you exactly as it is. There is no mystery here:
Quote:
Says we got married too young, there were a ton of things she didn't do. I said I understood.
Thanks Trent. I am so committed to trying to make this work. But now I know I can't fix my marriage until she is ready to work on it also. I'm just going to let it be and do my best to improve myself and give her the space she wants. I've been praying to God to help me get through this...and I know He put me in this situation for a reason. Maybe it was to show me what I was doing wrong and what I needed to fix.
Steve - We met when she was 17 and I was 23. She turned 18 two months after we met. I guess I get what you are saying. She got married when she was 20. So what is your advice...should I just let her go? What does everyone else think?
I do see that there are not many people on here who are our age without kids trying to save their marriage...but it doesn't make it any less hard for me. I really love her. I do know I can't force her to do anything or if she wants to be free I can't keep her with me. She knows how I feel and she is going to make her decision. I just have to accept it I suppose.
What options for going and and getting a life (GALing) are you considering?
Did she mention anything at dinner about what she's missed in the R or what has changed? ("You never tell me how much you love me", "You go out with your friends all night", etc.) Those might be good things to consider working on.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
