NC - W vanished ...

[P17]

You are in depression now. Look at your symptoms.

Cutter, you're right. Depression, at least mild depression. The signs are obvious and I was looking at the same conclusion before I read your post. The indicators for me are loss of hope for the future and loss of motivation. Both of these are gone just now.

I really am well and truly p*ssed off with this though. I felt great and then something as simple as seeing W again and I go all gooey and depressed. WTF? When I saw her it didn't even register. But now DAYS afterwards I feel like this? Why? Just when I think I'm actually doing well I realise it's all an illusion.

What it does do is reinforce the idea that NC was working but then is it simply putting these feelings away ready for them to be dragged out again at a moments notice when I see / hear from her again? Should I not be confronting this ... I'm tired, very tired of this. Tired of feeling like this. Tired of being the only one who is upset about this. Tired of being the one who has to 'hold it together' while W get's her cake and eats it too. Tired of sitting on the sidelines while W get's to play ball. I'm just tired.

I would suggest that you set your alarm clock early starting tomorrow and get your butt out of bed and go for a good walk to get your body going. Time to fight your depression. Gal it and 180 it. Make sure you drink 7 to 10 glasses of water. Drink 1 glass as soon as you wake up. One while on the walk. One when you get back. Then drink water during the day.

No walk (D wasn't well this morning and she is staying with me) but I was up early. She had her swine flu jab yesterday and was a little sore last night so didn't sleep. I let her sleep in this morning.

Stop on the booze for awhile. I know you do not drink much. But just stop on it for a little while.

Now Xmas / New Year is over the booze has stopped again. As you said I don't drink much anyway so it's not a problem.

This is a great chance to show yourself how strong you are.

As W always said to me - you can't sleep away your problems. When I get down, I sleep. It just shows the complete lack of understanding she had of me and our M.

Anyway, I will get through this. I know it. I just need to grab it by the b*lls, shake it a little and stand back up. It'll take a few days. I'll get there.