Thursday, the family and I are heading down to Cancun, Mexico for my daughters gymnastics meet. It will be a nice little break. My wife arranged to take the entire family there behind my back. My kids let me know what was going on." we weren't supposed to tell you" I let her have it and arranged time off work to go down there too. I had to arrange a separate flight though.
Wow, that's pretty cold. Did she do that sort of thing before? or is this new?
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
Thursday, the family and I are heading down to Cancun, Mexico for my daughters gymnastics meet. It will be a nice little break. My wife arranged to take the entire family there behind my back. My kids let me know what was going on." we weren't supposed to tell you" I let her have it and arranged time off work to go down there too. I had to arrange a separate flight though.
Wow, that's pretty cold. Did she do that sort of thing before? or is this new?
Is it better for you to go and have her resent you, or better for you to pass and have her miss you?
THINK ABOUT THIS ONE REALLY HARD
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I would strongly suggest that you channel your anger in a different manner.
I have heard this somewhere : "Treat others the way you want to be treated"
Channel the anger into positive action: Calmly (or on email/letter) "When you plan a family trip and not include me, I feel disrespected. I am angry (frustrated ect) that you would not include me in this decision, I am sad that you excluded me, I am sorry that _________ , I understand _______ , I want____________
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Is it better for you to go and have her resent you, or better for you to pass and have her miss you?
THINK ABOUT THIS ONE REALLY HARD [/quote]
This seems like a good idea.
Also, Doc, you may want to consider establishing a boundry about involving the kids in your conflict. If I am reading ths correctly, sounds like she put the kids in the middle of this one.
I don't believe she would miss him. That is her point. She is trying to kick him out of the family. this is a very serious situation. It is really time to bring the marriage in to the professionals -- hopefully counselors, not lawyers, to get help.
It is hard to accomplish, but family members sometimes need to be reminded that the family is a team. There can't be opposite sides within the family.
Does anyone else notice that she made a secret plan to take his kids out of the country?! Come on, this is probably a really good chance for you to set a boundary!
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Thursday, the family and I are heading down to Cancun, Mexico for my daughters gymnastics meet. It will be a nice little break. My wife arranged to take the entire family there behind my back. My kids let me know what was going on." we weren't supposed to tell you" I let her have it and arranged time off work to go down there too. I had to arrange a separate flight though. Hey trying, I will check out your sitch.... It's nice to know another kindred spirit that is a member of the club.
Doc, this is MESSED up!!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
When I found out about the trip, I was quiet at first. I thought,good, my family are going to have a good time. Then I thought, she is trying to manipulate my kids. This is jacked.
I calmly told her that I didn't think it was right that she was doing this and that I felt she was manipulating the kids with this trip, besides, it is my daughters meet and I should be there too. She agreed, and reluctantly sent me the flight schedules. I set up my own flights. I'm going and I'm going to have a good time. I also told her to abort the Phoenix trip, if she wanted me to trust her, she wouldn't take trips like this alone, but she has a strong drive to be there....I think it's the OM.
Lotus is right again. She won't miss me. She just wants me to bankroll all of it. I have been trying so hard to get her into counseling. She won't budge.
Tonight, I have dealt with a massive bloody trauma, an organ harvest, ovarian cancer, and multiple deliveries in OB. I see people with life and death problems every day. If she could only see that her problem is just miniscule in comparison to all of these, but she professes it's all my problem. It frustrates me to no end.
Today, I went back on Facebook. I have avoided it since this affair because I felt it was the cause of all of this to start with.I felt FB was evil.
I posted a cute comment somewhere and then I got a barrage of texts and messages from my hot single women friends. I don't want to go there and I want to take the high road, but what is a guy supposed to do when his W is destroying his family and marriage.
It bothers her that I am getting their attention. I suppose I have to do something to get her attention.
Me:49 W: 41 Kids=D14/D14/S10 Married: 15 Together: 16 Bomb: 08/26/09 Currently: separated but in the different houses.
i think it is important that you stop being an absentee Dad. She doesn't see you as an essential part of the family, except as a breadwinner. You need to be more than that. You need to establish a pivotal role within the house. FB and some peripheral female attention may help to activate her jealousy, but she probably has herself convinced she wouldn't care if you had an affair either. I think you need to let her know that you are not getting pushed out of the nest.
I have. I spend any free moment I can get with my kids. Loving them, talking to them, reading to them. Things are great with the kids now.
She told me " when you go on this trip don't go overboard doing things with the kids" She calls me "Mr. Fun Guy". It seems like she hates the fact that I have bonded with the kids and they have responded favorably to me. She wants me to fail.
When this first happened in October, she said that I needed to get a good relationship with the kids going first. "then we can work on us". I think the opposite is necessary, but I did what I could.
I have insisted that I will not be pushed from the nest. That frustrated her to the point that she physically beat me three weeks ago.
Any other suggestions? I want so much for this to work. Despite her behavior toward me, I still love her and I want the best for my family. I want us to be together.
On this trip, I am going to be upbeat and positive. We are going to have a good time. I want her to have second thoughts.
Me:49 W: 41 Kids=D14/D14/S10 Married: 15 Together: 16 Bomb: 08/26/09 Currently: separated but in the different houses.
