Going straight forward...antlers 6th thread.

[SDFoundGirl]

I'm glad what I wrote was helpful.

Now, here's the truth: most parents of middle school aged kids take it personally, and it's SO not. The reason I love this age and thrive as a teacher for this age group is because I *don't* take it personally AND I set really firm boundaries. My students (lovingly) joke that I turn misbehaving kids into new boots for my collection.

A book that might really help you learn how to navigate this is _How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk_. It is inexpensive and absolutely PHENOMENAL. I recommend it to all of my parents...it was the book that helped me most with classroom management (they have a book specifically for teachers). It costs about $12, and you can find it in the parenting section of most bookstores.
http://tinyurl.com/ykg5nvq

I just checked on Amazon, and it looks like the same authors wrote a book specifically addressing teens, but I don't know anything about that one. The strategies are pretty much the same K-12, it's just the language, consequences and responsibilities that shift.

So...part of shifting that self-flagellation is appreciating the positives. Make a list of the positive ways you've changed and the things you like about yourself. When you're wrapped in guilt, take that list out and re-read it. Wear it on your person...put it in your wallet. You can't change the past; it's over and done with. You know better now, so do better now. Let go of what you can't change.

Good luck to you!

SD