WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[MrBond]

CIPA,

I hope you had a great time with your boys. I'm sorry to hear that your W is still acting like a total B.

So when the two of you are together, do you actually talk like you did before? I remember there was the long period where you would chit chat to her about everything. How about now?

[confusedinpa]

CIPA,

I hope you had a great time with your boys. I'm sorry to hear that your W is still acting like a total B.

So when the two of you are together, do you actually talk like you did before? I remember there was the long period where you would chit chat to her about everything. How about now?

Hey Stuck - sorry to read the latest on your thread but it seems like you are being the "enlightened" man Spellfire had talked about. It's a crappy situation but I am proud of how you are handling it bro!

My WAW and I haven't chit chatted much since I confronted her when I found out the truth. We had a couple of "deep/meaningful" calls since them but nothing came out of it. We did have a couple of family meals (one dinner and one breakfast). When we did, it was very much like before I confronted her - the same bs "artifical harmony".

Over the last 3 weeks or so, she has really gotten more "pissy" - I didn't think that was possible. Last Sun I asked about getting the boys back early so we could watch football together (they asked me to do that a few days before). She said she would think about it but then didn't answer my calls or texts afterwards. Finally about 5 before the game started she sent me a text saying the boys didn't want to go. I called and asked to talk to my boys. My 7 year old said he was going shopping with her but the 3 year old was still taking his nap. Then I heard him wake up and heard him say he wanted to watch football with daddy. I asked him to put his brother on. Then she got on the phone and said they were heading out and hung up

When I got my boys on Mon, my 7 year old said she told him they couldn't go even after he said he wanted to come home to watch football with dad. I showed him her text and just said I guess she was mistaken. He looked mad as he said "she wasn't mistaken, she was lying". Unbelievable

So tonite he called her and asked if they could stay with me on weds (it's her nite). She asked why. He said it's what they wanted to do. She said ok... so it's the first week of the new year and she's giving up one of the two days she has them this week.... Whatever

Funny thing was, last week when it snowed we had made 3 snowmen (one for each of us). Then my 7 year old said he wanted to make a chubby one to be mommy (she gained almost 30 lbs last year). Then he said he will call it bulky to be a little nicer. Then my 3 year old said he was going call it bossy and grumpy.

The boys had made our three snowmen near the house and together but put the chubby/bulky/bossy/grumpy one far away near the curb. Then they threw snowballs at it and then tackled it knock it over and put it back together so they could do it again. I know I should have stopped it but it was sooooo funny and they were having so much fun. At the end, my 7 year old jumped on top of it and crushed it with a big smile.....

So I'm still looking for a job and the D train continues. At least I'm still having a great time with my boys and she is officially paying me :-)

FIDO

[PMA_Baby!]

C - You sound great. Keep it going.

I never thought my X would ever apologize, but for the last 2 days she has. This is of course based on the GAL report that came out saying I should be granted sole custody of our daughter because of all the bad mouthing and coaching by X has been doing.

The moral of the story is... Keep fighting... If you want your M. I mean really want it and can see yourself eventually FORGIVING her.. then keep fighting. I have seen genuine remorse. She hates herself for what she did. She supposedly came to her epiphany after seeing how I never stopped fighting for our daughter. She never had a father fight for her so it's understandable. She starting to realize how her past affected her judgement afterall. Yesterday she said I can only imagine how it must felt when I made a petition for full custody. Well she was right. It hurt like H3LL!!!

First they take away the marriage, then they take away your family, house, dog etc. If she think she was taking away my daughter too she was crazier then I thought. Well thank God the courts came through and saw how manipulative she was. Even though I have moved on at some level, some not, it was nice to hear that she finally was "owning" up to what she CHOSE to do.

Just like Dory, "just keep swimming just keep swimming..."


PMA

[mindfull]

CiPa - Any word from MY PEOPLE???

[mindfull]

CiPA -

Keep a check on the neg MOM talk/influence. She may be a witch to you, but she is their Mom. Your kids are young, and they do have opinions, BUT, not sure they're old enough to come up w/some of this on their own.

[confusedinpa]

CiPA -

Keep a check on the neg MOM talk/influence. She may be a witch to you, but she is their Mom. Your kids are young, and they do have opinions, BUT, not sure they're old enough to come up w/some of this on their own.

Thanks for the reminder Mindful - as well as the hook up with your people! :-) (I'll send you an email with where we're at)

I know my 7 year old is bitter about being lied to from a few weeks ago - he was suppose to go to a friend's Bday party. It was her weekend and she told him that he could go, but the next day at school his friend told him his mom called saying he wasn't coming. When he asked her, she said she couldn't figure out what to do with his little brother during that time. He told her that Daddy would watch his little brother or take him to the party but she said she would figure it out.

Then that day when she came to pick them both up, my 3 year old told her that he wanted to stay home with Daddy. She said ok and my 7 year old went with her thinking she would take him to the B'day party since her excuse of what to do with his little brother was gone. She didn't take him.

When he came home, he told me how mad he was that mommy lied about letting him go first and then why he couldn't go. It really hurt his feelings as he really wanted to go.

In hindsight though, I should have stopped throwing the snowballs at the "mommy" snowman, but it was just toooo funny!

[confusedinpa]

Just catching up on some journaling....

This week was a surprise as not only did she give up the first of her two nites this week (Weds), she gave up the second nite as well (Thurs). Guess having the kids 5 days straight (previous Weds nite till Mon AM, even though I had them Thurs during the day as well) was too much.... or whatever.

I didn't care as I was glad to have extra time with my boys. So I will have them from Mon AM till next Weds evening (9 nites in a row!). She started getting hit/miss with calling the boys again - guess she must have met someone or whatever.... I know it bugs my 7 year old the most as he had asked her to try and call to say goodnite.

I took the boys out with me for dinner with my a couple of my buddies I haven't seen for quite some time. They had a blast and my buddies both thought my boys were very cool! We were out late (didn't get home till 10:30 but it was really a good time). My 7 year old, when he went to bed, made a comment about how she didn't call to say goodnite. I asked if he wanted to try and call her but he said no (he usually doesn't want to as she typically doesn't answer and it really hurts for him to get her voice mail).

On Sat, it was the 1 year anniversary of her filing for Divorce. It would have been a really tough day if I hadn't kept myself busy. The boys and I made egg/cheese/hotdog omlets for brunch before heading out to NYC for my cousin's son's b'day party (turning 5). Even though it was just his family and my two boys, it was a blast. The kids played together (with just a couple of meltdowns - the price of skipping a nap) and had a blast beating up a Diego pinata! It was all good.

I did talk with my cousin just for a bit about how it was the one year anniversary of the day she filed. I was trying not to really talk/think about it but he is like a brother to me and really supportive so we chatted for a bit before getting focused on the fun. He told me to don't think of it as a negative, but find the positives in what has transpired because of all the crap. It's hard but I know he is right......

I didn't ask for this but I am at where I'm at.... I can't focus on the negatives and the past as that's not what's healthy for me or my boys.... I need to look at the positives and forward... that's the only way to thrive.....

On the way back home, my 7 year old made a comment about again about how she didn't call. I asked him again if he wanted to call, but he said no again. It was late by the time we got home, so I put my 3 year old right to bed. I told my 7 year old he and I could stay up and spend some one on one time together to watch one of his shows. We did and I think he really appreciated it as it's so rare that we get to do that since his brother was born.

Today, we spent most of the day relaxing and the kids played. When my 3 year old took his nap, my 7 year old and I put the comics that he got (these were mine from my childhood that I had given to my cousin and then he gave them to my son on Sat) in order so he could read them in sequence. It was a lot of work, but my 7 year old told me tonite when I put him in bed that it was the best part of the day.

He said watching football together would have been the best part if GB had won. I just laughed and said that it was a good game even though GB lost.

She did call tonite, but when he answered, he just said that we were in the middle of watching a football game so goodnite. My 3 year old said the same to her. Sorta crazy, they hadn't seen or heard from her since Thurs and they didn't even want to talk with her..... Oh well, that's her loss.....

So next week, I'm continuing to work on finding a job and spending time with my boys. She is suppose to have them Weds nite through Sun nite. I'm gonna ask to see if I can get them back early on Sat and/or Sun so we can watch football together again... plus my 7 year old wanted to go to the library together again... so we shall see

Life continues FIDO

[confusedinpa]

Just more journaling

I had the boys through Weds evening when she came to pick them up. My 7 year old and I spent some more one on one time together Tues after school (his brother only has day care on Tues and Thurs - the only want to hold his spot) so it's one of the few days we have one on one time together. We spent it finishing organizing the comics he had just gotten. He really enjoyed it.

It was really cold this week so we spent most of the week inside. I could tell that my boys are getting a little "cabin fever", particularly my 3 year old since he only goes to daycare twice a week so I know he misses that extra interaction with kids.

His school was giving out portable CD players since they had won an award (there were a ton of them in boxes for parents to just grab). We picked one up on Tues when I picked him up. On Weds, when she came to pick them up, my 3 year old wanted to take it with him to her apt. I didn't have any problem with it, but my 7 year old freaked out when saying she won't let him bring it back and we'll lose it. I told him that it will be fine as it's his brothers so he can do what he wants with it. He was still freaking out so I told him that I would talk to her to make sure he brings it back if he wants to.

The crazy part was on Thurs, I asked her to grab an extra one so they wouldn't fight over it (she was picking him up from daycare). She said she didn't know what I was talking about as she didn't see any there. I just figured they got all snatched up so I thought no biggie.

When I saw my 7 year old on Fri, he said that mommy gave them two of the cd players to keep in her apt. I was like WTF?!!? (I didn't say that). I just asked was he sure they were the same. He said yes. I asked if he saw there were anymore at the day care. He said yes, there were still a couple of boxes full of them on Thurs. I just said "Oh" but in my mind I couldn't believe how petty she was that she couldn't/wouldn't grab an extra one for the boys and then lied about it.

What then also urked me was that she had to pick up my 7 year old on Thurs as I had an interview. He told me she was late so he was waiting but when she got there, she told him that they would have some one on one time together before picking up his brother. He said he wanted to play wii with her but when he started playing, she didn't play with him so he played by himself. He said he was a little sad, but was used to it. Very pathetic.....

Thurs nite I wound up having dinner with my buddy and his family. It was nice as I hadn't seen them in a couple of months.

Fri was warm (mid 40's) so we wound up playing tennis for a while before she came to pick them up. My 3 year old was freaking out as he wanted to stay home with me. She said no but he was crying so badly that my 7 year old even yelled at her about letting him just stay with me because that's what he wants. I was fine with it, but I could see she wasn't going to go for it so I just buckled them both in the car and gave them hugs and kisses.

About 45 minutes later, she sent me a text saying he had fallen asleep in the car and stopped crying and was ok. I just responded O - please tell the boys I love them and will talk with them tonite. I went out to meet my buddies for a guys nite. I talked with the boys and they knew I was out as it was really noisy (I know she knew as well since she has them on a speaker phone when talking with me).

She did say that I could pick up the boys on Sun at 12:30 so we could watch football together. I asked if she wanted to have lunch together. She said no cause she might have a game. I just said O and dropped it. I don't know why I even try to be nice. I thought she had wanted to do something for lunch as she gave me a gift certificate ($10) that we had gotten for a lunch spot last year before she moved out on Weds when she picked up the boys. It was about to expire (next month).

It also reminded me of how when we were together, she would never come out to do the sports stuff with the boys (i.e. play basketball, catch, go to the park, bike ride, etc) but now she goes to play flag football on Sundays. I shouldn't let it bother me, but that was one of the things she had complained about how I was always doing things with the boys but we would never do things together. I would always ask her to come out with us, but she would never come out.

It's a beautiful day out today. I just hope she takes them out to play as there hasn't been many days like this. I'm going to meet a buddy to watch football tonite. I'm going to try to take it slow as I didn't get home and to bed last nite till 3:00AM from the guys nite so I'm struggling today (it was a fun nite though).

And I will see my boys tomorrow! A day early! Yeah!

So life continues.... FIDO!

[sandi2]

So life continues...

Yes it does, sweetie, and I think your W will continue to be a thorn in your side for as long as you have children & grandchildren between you. It is still too difficult (in all reality) to be able to let everything run off your back. I have knows D couples who are going on 15 or more years and it still grinds them down when the other one says or does something petty. I believe after some more time has passed that you will be able to rise above it, but she knows you already do that....where it pertains to "her" and I think that is why it is always about the boys. That is your weak link and she knows it. You can't help it b/c you love them. But, you'll get stronger in time b/c that is who you are! I don't want to be sitting her reading about something petty she did with the grandchildren, and it bumming you out!

[MrBond]

Hey CIPA,

So what's been going on in your sitch?