Here's the deal. I really have NO way to know what my W is doing in reference to the OM. I had hired a PI to PROVE one of the A, and it did just that-although W is in complete denial about all of them.
My W, I know is involved with a few different men. I believe she is doing this for a few reasons.
1. She needs these men in her life to validate what she is doing to our M.
2. She needs these men in her life to make her feel good about herself.
3. She needs these men in her life, as a lifeline, because of her wanting a D.
I, from where I am right now, do not have the intel, or the resources to bust these A's.
How can I affect them from overseas, and yet still continue to DB, without any intel or knowledge of what/who she is seeing?
SD,
I am as "pro-intel" as anyone on this entire forum. But it's only advisable in a few very specific instances:
1) To prove initially whether or not your spouse is having an affair, so that you'll know what you're dealing with, so that you can protect yourself and your family.
2) To gather evidence for a legal action, if you are in a "fault" station for divorce.
3) To be able to credibly expose the affair to close friends and family, so that they can exert pressure on the cheating spouse, in support of the marriage in an attempt to end the affair as quickly as possible.
4) To confirm "no-contact" as part of a transparency plan, once the couple has MUTUALLY AGREED to it, and has decided to try and reconcile.
At this stage, I don't see ANY of these applying to your sitch. You already know your wife has had multiple affairs, she continues to lie about it, and she's not willing to honestly reconcile and be transparent with you. So there's really nothing to "bust" here.
I'm afraid what you're left with, is working on YOU, protecting yourself legally & financially, and being the best dad you can possibly be for your kids. Your wife, you leave to GOD.
