Moving on with my life!

[Reincarnated]

Of course you can go out whenever you like, and your 18 year old can babysit. The court did not say that YOU needed supervised visitation! That is completely on him.

You are still so afraid of pissing him off, stirring the pot - tell me, is he afraid you'll get mad so he doesn't meet with other woman, drink and do drugs? Let him get mad! He is a grown-up and can have any reaction that he wants - it has nothing to do with you.
If you don't want to remind him outright that he has to be supervised, just ignore his rants. Or, you can tell him he can spend time with the baby as long as he pays for a professional supervisor when you are out (I think they are available, but he would have to pay them directly for their time).

I'm sorry that this is so hard for you....it is always much easier for someone outside our own sitches to really see what is going on.

[Startingover2]

You are still so afraid of pissing him off, stirring the pot - tell me, is he afraid you'll get mad so he doesn't meet with other woman, drink and do drugs? Let him get mad! He is a grown-up and can have any reaction that he wants - it has nothing to do with you.

My first gut reaction to why I am afraid is for example...right now I am thinking did this piss him off so much that he is down at his attorney's office filing papers to take me back to court to get unsupervised time? What if he somehow lies and proves that he is stable? on and on goes my mind! I know its reaching and I need to stop the mind movies. So I guess honestly, deep down, I am afraid of pissing him off for fear of what he will do.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

to me, that is a totally appropriate fear.

IMHO, unless he's being a jerk, I don't see why ignoring the texts is the right action. I'm not sure that anything you say will result in a positive reaction either...but...again, my mind goes to what is most respectful, whether or not he is being that way.

He HATES that he has the supervised visits and he hasn't made the changes necessary so fighting them in court may be a bit off. If he can bully me he will.

He just sent the following text:
Exh: I would like to be with her the next time you go out. Not too much to ask. So, where did you go?

this is why I think he doesn't come for his visits much and doesn't stay as long. and the reason he keeps trying to take her by himself.

I would validate his want to spend time with her, and ignore the other part because that is the part he doesn't need to know. IF he really IS wanting to spend time with her alone...why is that bad? perhaps it's all a ploy for something else, but how do you know.

I would say, "I love that you want to spend time with baby, if you have someone that can supervise in my place, have them call me and I will try to let you know next time I make plans"

[Startingover2]

IF he really IS wanting to spend time with her alone...why is that bad? perhaps it's all a ploy for something else, but how do you know.

Its a total ploy...if I let him come even once and stay with baby alone unsupervised then I will lose all credibility in the supervised visits in court. Same with going for walks, etc. In reality most of the time he is here I know he is ok...but my attorney said he can say in court that I let him take her once or twice, why not all the time? There is no grey area in supervised visits until the orders are changed.

He wants to regain control...so I know asking has a total motive sadly!

[Startingover2]

Gabby you are right about the fears. Life is much nicer when we get along and there is that 'hope'. I know that his niceness is so cruel and dishonest. He wouldn't be doing what he does with other women and getting his life together if he was a sincere man. All for a purpose!

I haven't spoken to him since the texts about last night. He's pissed so I doubt I will hear much at all. When he gets mad is when he really starts the hunt for another woman to validate him since his exwives and even his older daughter are these horrible women. He told me yesterday his d15 hasn't spoken to him since last week. She really wants nothing to do with him.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

oh hun, you misunderstood me.

his WANT to watch her alone is perfectly fine. who wouldn't want that??? whether it is for pride reasons, or to just plain be alone with her or whatever. so I'm saying that is expected, of course he's going to try to do that. But of course the answer is NO.

I'm just trying to show that these texts are totally understandable. so, then you place the boundary where you want it. don't obsess over it all, you know your not going to allow the unsupervised visits, so be calm and be glad he wants time with his daughter but keep the boundary. in regards to him asking what your doing...well, to me, I expect him to do that as well. but if you don't want him to know, then that is your boundary. don't let his actions/words change how you feel. YOU are the one giving him the control, not him.

he's not doing much right now IMHO.

[Startingover2]

Yes, I would guess the texts are normal. After all, I have been sitting her pretty much doing nothing for the past 17 months. Me going anywhere without baby is pretty shocking for exh and possibly an open door for him to find something to shake up the orders we already have.

He fell off the planet again! Not a peep. Kind of nice.

[Startingover2]

Wow! Not a word from exh yesterday after the short conversation about leaving baby. No goodnight text..nothing. So either he is realllllly mad or he was not alone last night.

A girlfriend was asking yesterday how such a loser of a human being with his known track record for cheating, lying, alcohol abuse, pill abuse, no money, recluse...end up with SOOOOO many women just waiting for him? Seriously, the guy has them lined up down the street! How does that happen? Its a small town. Word gets around but for whatever reason it doesn't affect him.

[iwantittowork]

Wow! Not a word from exh yesterday after the short conversation about leaving baby. No goodnight text..nothing. So either he is realllllly mad or he was not alone last night.

Were you waiting for a good night TXT?

A girlfriend was asking yesterday how such a loser of a human being with his known track record for cheating, lying, alcohol abuse, pill abuse, no money, recluse...end up with SOOOOO many women just waiting for him? Seriously, the guy has them lined up down the street! How does that happen? Its a small town. Word gets around but for whatever reason it doesn't affect him.

Just so I am clear, are you hoping to reconcile with your ex, or trying to move on for yourself?

If it's the later, who cares how many W he has lined up. How about focusing on you and how many men you have lined up?

I just see you focusing on him way to much, and want to understand why in your sitch..

[Startingover2]

Were you waiting for a good night TXT?

I think I was...Stupid I know!

Just so I am clear, are you hoping to reconcile with your ex, or trying to move on for yourself?

If it's the later, who cares how many W he has lined up. How about focusing on you and how many men you have lined up?

I just see you focusing on him way to much, and want to understand why in your sitch..

I think I really want/wanted to R. Of course I hate the situation. Never going to happen with exh. He is such a broken man that doesn't want to change. I just keep getting my hopes up and then they come crashing down.

I wish I had men lined up! Nottta one!