I had told my IC that I was going to visit the church we were married in on our 20th wedding anniversary. She suggested that I light an offering candle and to buy an extra one to bring home. I did.
Now I have this ritual. I burn the candle at home in an area that is kind of like a shrine for our M. Her wedding boquet is in a glass enclosure on a counter in our bedroom and 2 pictures from our wedding are hung above it. One of both of us standing in front of the church and one of her face. It is an area that I walked by between our bedroom and bathroom for years and didn't pay much attention, but it has taken on new significance for me.
This is where I light the offering candle. I usually do it when she is not home and say a prayer about our M and family.
Since that initial visit, I have been back to the church twice. The first 2 visits were unexpectedly emotional for me, but the last visit wasn't - I was at peace. However, the thing I do is bring the candle I had burned at home at the 'shrine' and put it into the offering candle holder in the church, and then buy another candle to bring home.
By buringing the candle at home first and then bringing it to the church it is like bringing my problems to God. It feels like that anyway. I am enjoying this exercise and will be back at the church later this week hopefully. It is just a little thing but it has helped me get through tough times. The church is a beautiful place and a historical landmark so it is a cool place to visit regardless of the reason.
ME/XW:47 S21, D19, S15, S14 M:21 T:26 W moved 6/10 I filed 7/10 D final 4/12 remarried 8/12 W wants to R 12/10 and 4/11 but I decline
