WAW and 4 kids

[tryingtilDorR]

I am trying to keep a steady hand for sure right now.

I really don't think W knows what she wants right now (what else is new?) but I know she is really angry about me contacting quasi-GF all of the sudden again after calm over the holidays. She is using it to get herself as angry at me as possible right now for some reason.

She had some gems this morning - I wanted to record these because they might be interesting to review later on (Quotes from a wacky-WAW):

I found a place I want to rent and if you won't give me money to rent it I will use a credit card.

I have had inappropriate friendships with 2 men so I guess you married a floozy

Sheis referring to OM and her trainer before that, to which she admitted the difference was she had feelings for OM but not trainer. A lot of our M problems prior to EA were due to my reactions to her being controlled by the trainer, who expected her to put training before all family activities, etc and she complied.

We don't have a savings account otherwise I would be using that to rent something like my SIL did

Our savings has been drained when I lost my job and took a lower-paying one. I also took on a lot of debt to improve our home with plan of paying it off from windfalls from the job that was lost so it didn't work out so well. However, it is probably a good thing and kinda ironic since it disabled some of her plans and also reduced the equity in the house. I keep thinking God was at work here and that there was a silver lining to the economic trouble over the past year.

We don't know what will happen in the future.

This was in response to a question I asked her about the rental she found. I asked what type of lease agreement they expected and she said she is looking for a month-to-month but that they wanted at least six months. She wants a month-to-month because she doesn't know what she wants and wants to try this out. I told her once she moves out I am done and we need to D - I won't hang around while she plays single person.

She referred to the stuff she talked to OM about back when EA was most intense as 'garbage' specifically in reference to the things she told him about me and our M.

Last night I got a wild hair and decided to do something crazy that I haven't done in a long time - I walked up behind her and hugged her from behind in front our S11 and S12. She knew I was doing it to bug her (something I would do before especially when she was busy doing something ) and she asked me to stop, but the unexpected thing I saw was S11's face light up with a HUGE smile when he saw me do that and he said "Mom don't be so mean". I didn't mean for that to happen and I know it made her mad but it was great to see the big smile on his face. It makes me realize what is missing from our home and family even more. It is doubtful that we will be able to create that again for these kids - bummer.

<I know it sounds like major pursuing but I didn't care - I was teasing her more than anything - I don't have anything to lose anymore>