I received a pleasant email from my W with a blank separation agreement. (Hoping that I had enjoyment over the holidays.)
The first paragraph of the agreement was:
"Name and Name acknowledge and agree that as a result of irreconcilable differences between them, as of (date) will be living separate and apart and will continue that way for the rest of their lives. Each shall be free from interference, authority and control by the other as if each were unmarried. In addition, (name) and (name) intend the terms of this agreement to be:"
The language "the rest of their lives" is so strong. There is a reconciliation clause but I wept for 1/2 hour when I received it. It just seems that my W is so resolved to end the marriage. Please pray that God would soften my W's heart so she can see that I am working on the changes I need to.
On a positive, she has done some of the homework the C is requesting. I am hoping that is a sign that she will continue on with MC.
This may be a long road. You're gong to need patience if saving your marrige is your stand. Figure out what you need to change, ask God for help, and do it. Pray. This is a long, narrow road. I'm walking it too. Can you find some like-minded support?
Well... just got her latest phone bill. Text messages jumped from 300 per month to 1400. I think the writing is on the wall... it is an affair. What should I do? I am thinking about digging deeper. Phone number lookup, surveillance, gps tracking? Please help!
I feel so sick. I had my faults. She also had hers. But she is the one choosing to go outside the marriage. It is so disrespectful. She has an affair (emotional or otherwise) and then 1 week later drops the bomb on me about how bad I am. Builds up her support group based on making me the bad guy (her mother, friends, etc.) and then a few months from now she just happens to have a new guy. Wow, for the first time... I am thinking maybe I don't want her back. This is not the woman I dreamed of as the mother of my children.
Something is up, serious red flag, exactly what I found also. I did not listen to Puppy or others and was way too hasty and not prepared. So listen to Puppy!!!!! Keep your cool and do the investigative work if you want to confront and keep the marriage, again listen to Puppy on how, what and when to do this. I used a sony digital voice recorder($60) and velcro'd into the sunroof. Only listen if you have a strong stomach, I did not listen right away had to wait. The phone bill is easy, the reverse look up is easy, you can find people easy on the internet for free or for a small fee. Dr. Huizenga has an interesting and accurate way to look at the different type of affairs, and what and how to do things, all consistent with DB. Good luck, we all know the feelings you are going through. It sucks, I will keep you in my prayers. People on here are very supportive and wnat to help.
I'd suggest you go to Dane's thread and find out what I recommended to him. I really don't have the time to re-type everything, but the roadmap is all in there.
Do you think you can suck it up and basically "fake it" while you gather some more intel? It would really help you. Because right now, all she has to say to you about multiple TMs is, "Oh, that? We're just friends."
Not that I believe it FOR A MINUTE, but you need more.
Well... just got her latest phone bill. Text messages jumped from 300 per month to 1400. I think the writing is on the wall... it is an affair. What should I do? I am thinking about digging deeper. Phone number lookup, surveillance, gps tracking? Please help!
Get the facts - who, mainly - but you must know the rest, godhelpme. 1400 TM? I don't send that many to my H, S21,S18, 4 brothers, 1 sister, parents, colleagues and squadron of BFFs! Don't you dare deny it. Dig. Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Just popping by to lend some support. Many here may view your sitch, and although you may feel alone, there are people rooting for you. We may not have much sage advice on top of what has already been offered to you.
Do take up Puppy's advice to read Dane's thread on the tactical aspects of intel gathering. FWIW, my take is you really gotta start working on you, detaching from your W's choices, and making yourself the better person. Don't mind read, and watch that inflammable resentment that seems to be building up. Remember what your goals are, and focus on what will help you achieve them.
Gathering that intel is also a vital part of the "working on yourself" bit. You've owned what happened in your M dysfunction, that's great. Stop berating yourself for that. You will have read that it's important that you LIVE detachment and GAL, not just act it. Using your past faults to justify and try and understand in your own mind what your W is doing will not help that, it may even validate her in the wrong way. About time you get your ammo ready for her to own her part in what's happening.
Good Luck!
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
