Fear of how I would be judged today and shame at how far I truly allowed myself to fall back then...
However I am thinking about it more and more lately and no matter how low I got then, I would still rather keep someone from that kind of life.
Maybe it is a sign because it sure has been on my mind an awful lot these last few weeks.
The book isn't based on my experience here rather my experience as a drug addict.
Start writing. It is admirable that you've stopped, and been clean for so long. I've known alot of junkies, over alot of time. Many of the them have dedicated their life to being an addict.
If you can help just 1 person, then it is entirely worth it.
Weird side note, just ordered a bunch of books an hour ago, including 'Dopefiend' by Donald Goines.
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
I have never read that book though I have heard of it...
I do write a blog to purge myself so to speak however I want to reach people who are teetering on that black hole and somehow maybe just maybe pull a few of them back.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Thank you Ruined for your kind words as well, at the time I was dedicated to a life as an addict and truth be told I always thought that was the single most painful experience in my life until I found myself here and well you know the rest.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Here are my 3 most interesting things... about me!
1. I am a free spirit on a diving board. I can just about do anything you can imagine on one. This is where I can really let go of myself.
2. My right leg (from just about the knee down) is an experimental limb of sorts. Looks and feels like the real thing. Because it is (science at its best), covered with my own flesh, has lasted beyond its lifespan and I believe will last me a life time. This is really Kwel, cuz if not, I'd a been na hopping instead of a walking.... hell, they were originally just going to cut the leg off. Kinda like robo-cop, I just woke up different. I guess I fit a profile of some sorts....
3. I am as good with a sling shot as others are with rifles or bows. Believe it or not, learn to love the sling shot in the USArmy.... Love the Ax as well! Good ole Uncle Sam... the things they teach us when we are young!
Me 43 / W 40 T 29 / M 15 S-18 11/4/09-ILYBINILWY 11/10/09-Separated 12/1/09-W admitted EA 12/5/09-W admitted PA 12/24/09 W say "I love you"
"A GOOD MARRIAGE IS NOT ONE WHERE PERFECTION REIGNS"
1. I wrote public domain computer games in the 80's. I still receive emails about one of them (20 years later)
2. I quit my computer career to become a professional musician. I've been lucky enough to make my living with it.
3. I was raised with a deaf cousin, and I speak sign language. As a child I used to dream in sign. My cousin is out of contact, and I seldom sign now, but I miss it!
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
Thank you Ruined for your kind words as well, at the time I was dedicated to a life as an addict and truth be told I always thought that was the single most painful experience in my life until I found myself here and well you know the rest.
I know how you feel. My father was a junkie; now he's just a drunk. As painful and awful as *that* was, I'm oddly grateful for the experience of it. That sort of experience makes you strong. Really, really, really strong. You come out of it with the attitude of 1. I'm a victim and nothing I do has any impact or 2. Hell no, I'm NOT a victim.
Actually said this to my H. last week. As shitty as our sitch is, I'm kinda grateful to be going thru it. If nothing else, it's making me stronger, and reminding me of who and what I am. He seemed a little bit stunned, which was kinda a good thing.
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
I have learned to be grateful for my sitch because it has shown me so much and taught me so much... I have learned I am not defined by anyone else but me and my actions. I get on my knees every night and thank God he took me on this journey - A journey of self discovery that was a long time coming and now 11 months later I am liking me for the first time in years.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
1. I am a recovering drug addict - I spent 5 years strung out on coke, living the most immoral life imaginable and have now been clean for almost 20 years. Good for you (I would have never guessed...)
2. I can tie a knot in a cherry stem with my tongue. Marry me!
For real? As a bartender, I used to pull the old trick of tying one by hand, placing it my mouth and later asking lady customers to pull off a cherry stem, with which I would feign all sorts of mouth and facial contortions before pulling out the pre-tied one. Hey, it got me more than a few dates!
3. I love to write and think about writing my own book daily. Very cool. Why not start? I once read a quote by an author speaking to creative writing students, "Unless the desire to write is accompanied by writing, the desire is not to write." So, get started, you!
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I've known alot of junkies, over alot of time. Many of the them have dedicated their life to being an addict. 
