first off- Jack-- dude... you shoulda warned me that when I became a fan of divorce busting on facebook that it got broadcast to the freakin world! Not something I guess I'm ready for all 254 of my friends to know about yet! Anyhow, I'm joking about this a bit.
today I had a weird day with the alien. I like calling her that, I've seen people use that term and it is comforting and I'm gonna use it.
we talked and texted AS IF all freakin day long. don't know if the confrontation about the other dude got her to thinking a little bit about how f'd up it was that she was doing that... you probably saw the email about how she was thinking of me, how sorry she was that she had not told me about her "friend", and how sad she was that we had grown apart.
she just called, was with the boys at Target, just to sortof call and share being there with me. It was very strange. Her tone, the interaction.. it was all like something from the past. Not something I've had in 6 months or so.
edit: when writing this she called me again-- about 10 minutes later on the ride home. we just talked for 30 min about NOTHING (the best kind of nothing...)
I did something today that I think was good though. She was telling me how she had ran out of wood (she's in virginia) and wanted some help calling the guy to bring it out. You have to remember that I NEVER really helped much with anything. Her words, but mostly true. So I got on the web, found a wood guy on craigslist, and got him to come out there and deliver some wood (she loves the wood stove. it makes her very happy). So this was a 180-- in some sense, in that this was something thoughtful (again, not really in my vocabulary from the past), helpful, and made her happy.
I believe this was one of those "tests" about showing that I really had changed that I think it was Cat who told me about... not sure. too lazy to look back. I think I passed...
So, again I know the main goal her is to work on me (which I did today, and felt pretty good-- more like myself). But I think the changes that I need to make (more thoughtful, helpful, respectful) were manifest in the wood delivery. So anyhow, after yesterday and last night, which were really bad (though the first conversation I had with her she said was a major breakthrough becuase I told her, if what she was telling me was true, that I was glad she had a friend to help her out through this tough time. Then I looked at the bill a bit more, lost my s&*t, called her back to say "now really! be honest!" and all that That was not good...)
Today was better...
she told me again how relieved she felt that I knew about the friend...could be alien speak so I take with a grain of salt.
anyhow, I feel like the end of today, at least, is better than the morning.
knowing again that I cannot tie my moods to her and how she reacts to me, I think its also good sometimes to throw a log on the Hope fire... or not... thoughts?
