Positive developments? #2

[jon2911]

Thanks missherlove! I'm loading your threads to read later this weekend.

It was a great visit. Full update later, I'm off to a poker tournament!

[MichelleLT]

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jon2911]

Finally some time to update.

Just sent my resume to a friend who has a customer support/web development position at his company. It's a startup, but a few more employees, an office, more pay and full benefits. We'll see. W said she thought I was happy and wasn't looking, and I said it always helps to keep options open. If for nothing else to let my current boss counter-offer with a raise. Feels good.

W came in at 11:00 Friday and I met her as she was pulling in. We watched Jimmy Kimmell and hung out. All liquor stores were closed for New Year's Day (boo, how does that make any sense?), so I brought some Jack and Diet Coke. It was awkward at first, but her attitude was much different than last time. She warmed up gradually, and let me stay the night. It was a VERY fun night

I left at 6:00 AM, caught a disc golf game with a friend, then met W for lunch and some shopping. We looked at netbooks and phones that she's thinking about at a Verizon store. It was her idea, and she kept asking if I minded. It's nice to help her with something I know a lot about. We've talked a couple times since then about whether she can cancel her Cable internet and just get a netbook plan.

She left, and I had a 45-minute drive to Fort Worth for the poker tournament, so I talked to her the whole way there. I won 3rd place! $60! That's $160 this week between fantasy football and poker. I should just go pro While in Fort Worth I checked out a club my band is playing on the 28th. It's an extremely cool place, and we're not a country band but it should be fun:
http://lolasfortworth.com

Called and told her about the poker and the gig, and that I'm on a roll. She seemed very interested, asking about the date and location. I forget how much a country fan W is, and she loves the Stockyards. We talked until 1:00 AM.

Nice talk yesterday as well, and she just called me while typing this. I had mentioned hearing a lot of talk about the show "Community", and she just watched the first episode on Hulu and loved it. I didn't know you can sign into the site, friend other people, etc. I joked that we should friend each other and she did it, but said "why not just call and say that a show's good?" We joked about the Facebook generation and how she's down on it.

At the end, she said "I didn't say anything crazy in the night, did I?"

I had talked with a friend about this, and responded it's not just that it doesn't bother me, I know she has nightmares, but I really appreciate her letting me stay. And I wouldn't take anything seriously she says.

"It just makes me feel weak, you know?"

I told her that makes sense. Then I told her I had to go.

She probably was really talking about the ML, and making sure I don't take it too seriously. Maybe I should have just said that. I don't think it means much in the big picture of getting back together, but it was a great night, and helped me to remember why I'm still fighting for this.

The 180's seem to be working, so I'm keeping them up and watching what happens. Right now that means calling her once a day. I'm talking more about the things I'm excited about at church, my band, or even the huge Cowboys win yesterday, and not really worrying about her reaction any more. I'm not really worrying about pursuing actions either.

Come to think of it, maybe we're all the way back to the Romance stage? It definitely feels like the excitement of dating again. We were there a year ago, but then all my job stuff happened, the tax audit, 2009 just sucked and was a huge step back. Time to set some goals for 2010!

[MichelleLT]

Glad to hear that you are taking some good steps!

It does sound like you guys had some good bonding time, some more fun memories. And that calling her is appreciated.

Most of us seemed to move through the stages in steps - 3 steps forward, 2 steps back. You guys definitely are getting solidly into friendship from what I can see! And there are definite moments of romance.

So, you got to this place once before and then things fell apart again. What did you do then that contributed to that? How can you act/react differently to stresses this time around to keep things moving forward?

[jon2911]

Good questions Michelle.

Well, I already got a response from the resume, talked to the owner over the phone, and have an interview tomorrow at 2:00.

From what I can tell it isn't more money than I'm making now, but has full benefits (paid 100%, nice). No 401K. It's also extremely structured, with no flexibility on schedule. Strange for a start-up, but it seems the guy's still figuring out how to run things.

I've been thinking about how much more confidence I had when doing customer support and sales. Dealing with people can be a pain, but I'm good at it and it's good for me. After losing my job the second time in April, I just felt really beat down. It affected interaction with W a lot.

If W and I were still together, benefits would be a lot more important. W has had COBRA, but that runs out in 6 months.

I don't really know how to sort out the pros and cons in a way that doesn't involve her. Hopefully I won't have to choose right away if an offer comes. For now I just want to have a good interview.

[dday101798]

not really worrying about her reaction any more. I'm not really worrying about pursuing actions either.

GOOD. This is mindset that yeilds results!

[jon2911]

Thanks dday.

I got the job! Turns out he had already decided to hire me yesterday over the phone, so this was mainly salary negotiation and job description stuff. I start on Monday. One thing that swayed me was realizing I can stay with my current job as well. Like some crazy DBers I know who work retail in addition to their day jobs.

Talked with W about the interview last night. Made sure that my blue shirt and blue tie would go with my suit. She seemed to enjoy helping and I didn't think it was overly needy. I kept things light by having her help me decide what fruit I am. You know, because they always ask that. She said "you're a kiwi, because you like green, and you're mysterious. But don't say that". Hmmmm.

Today she texted me "Thinking about you. Knock 'em dead."

Benefits don't start for 3 months, so if we aren't D'd by then we'll have some decisions to make. Glad it's not now though.

My current boss knows I had the interview, so now to meet with him and tell him I want to keep working, and work out the details.

[MichelleLT]

CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jon2911]

Thanks! Felt really good to suit up today. I'm just staying in it the rest of the day. Why not?

Catching up on my current job and meeting with friends tonight, scheduling meeting with boss tomorrow.

[MHL]

Excellent, I vote you the poster boy for GALing. Congrats!!