Boundaries

[Ready2Change]

I like some of your changes. I feel it is important to state my feelings to her (a 180) and am following advise from John Gray-Mars/Venus P237 that helps express all feelings.

Start with anger,then sadness, then fear, then regret then love.

Next pass:

Hi W,

When you avoid discussing issues concerning our children, I feel frustrated that your dislike of me prevents us from doing what is best for our kids. I am sad that you continue to choose rigidity over flexibility as well as silence over communication. I feel alarmed and know with absolute certainty this is not healthy for our children. I want what is best for our kids: flexibility and communication.


I have been flexible in the past and I stand ready to be flexible in the future. You have a perfect opportunity to show flexibility now by allowing S10 to spend time with my dad during your parenting time. If you choose to prevent him from going with my dad, I will continue to follow your lead and remain rigid with your requests. I will also follow your lead on limiting the contact with your family during my parenting time.

Her response "blablabla....I will let you know my decision on Monday."

YA!!!!! It is great to put the responsibilities and the consequences back on the appropriate person. We shall see if she chooses wisely!

SHE SAID YES!!!!! Her relpy:

I talked to S10 and he would really like to go on this trip. I will let him go this last time but tell your dad to stop signing him up for things during my time. Also, don't ever threaten me with the kids again by telling me that you're going to "limit my time"!