sounds like you're doing ok but one thing I wanted to ask is getting back into the pace of normal everyday life is a good routine but part of what lured her away was something really exciting & unknown - when is the last time you did something really exciting & unknown with her.
Something totally not you, a total 180 for you.
What would that be? Spitball it here if you have to, make this marriage something new by re-inventing something.
- maybe a his & hers day at the spa, you know massages and all those special treatments - maybe signing up for some ballroom or salsa dancing, something you both haven't done before - have the grandparents take the kids for the weekend and tell your wife to pack a bag for the weekend: go to a hotel, include taking her shopping for a new outfit and some shoes, include a makeover, reservations at a nice restaurant, pack some candles & some massage oil, make the night something special & hot
Plan the whole thing, make it something you want to do, not just something you're doing for her, something you think would be hot & spicy
Something that is a diversion from the everyday doldrums, something that associates you and her memory of you with something exciting & new
Thank you Robx. We are planning a trip to PR in January and a move to TX sometime next summer. The weekend away would be nice. I will see what I can do.
Wanted to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. I know I will be giving thanks for this website over the weekend. It has done so much for me over this past year. Thank you all.
The Thanksgiving weekend was very nice. I will admit I had and still have some concern over how we will handle the Holidays. The Holidays has been difficult on my W in the past; she is away from her family and the weather up north is a constant reminder that she is nowhere near the tropical climate of her childhood.
[Wednesday] W picked up girls early from daycare and they cooked a traditional Thanksgiving dinner that was ready when I arrived from work. We had a very nice dinner. And after putting girls to bed, the W and I watched "A Roman Holiday". It is one of my favorite classics that my W had not seen yet.
[Thursday] Started off rocky. I do not remember what triggered it, but W had a small bout with depression in the morning. We were finishing some chores before heading to my parents for the weekend and my W just headed up to the room and layed down. She slept for about an hour while D6 and I racked leaves. D3 stayed inside to watch TV. She was much better when she woke up.
We drove to my parents in the afternoon and all enjoyed a traditional Thanksgiving dinner at their place. My parents and W both acted as if nothing had ever happened between us.
[Friday] Girls, W and I drove a couple of hours to see my grandfather who has recently moved to a nursing home. It felt good to give him some company over the weekend.
That night W and I left girls with parents and went out for dinner and a movie. We saw "The Blind Side"; which I would recomend.
[Saturday] Was spent relaxing at my parents place. We put together a gingerbread train, took the girls to the Santa parade and horseback riding (one of the girl favorite things to do when at grandpas).
[Sunday] Sunday started off rocky. We were rushed getting ready for church, which is always a stressor for my W. However, what really "freaked" (my W's word) my W out was when the pastor that married us walked into the sanctuary. This was unexpected as he is no longer the church's pastor. He is one of the few that I consulted with during the separation and knows "everything". She said that at that point she started thinking of killing herself and that angered her. After church, in her hurry to leave, she got angry at D6; and that only frustrated her more. When we go back to my parents place; she went into the our room and locked the door. About an hour later, she came back out and it was as if nothing happened.
The girls were especially trying on the drive back home. The 2 were tired and tantrumy for the entire 4 hour trip. I was driving and W was the one that was attempting to keep them calm (an impossible task). Finally, about 2 1/2 hours into the trip, W screamed "Ya! Yaaaaa!" (for thoe of you that are not fluent in Spanish it can be loosley translated into "Enough already") This not only startled the girls, it also made me jump. This caused D3 to start crying "Mommy, you scared me". My W went quiet and her eyes teared up. Not knowing exactly what to say or do, I just drove for probably 5 minutes in silence. D3's cries went from a cry to a wimper during that time. Finally, trying to help I said "You are only human. I think you are too hard on yourself." She did not say anything.
After about another 5 minutes, she spoke: W: "I just lost it. She (D3) knows how to push every button I have." M: "I would have been close to losing it too, if I hadn't already. You have the more difficult job of the two of us. You are welcome to drive if you would rather." W: "I can't drive in this weather. I can't see." M: "I really appreciate you handling them the way you are." ...
The drive improved some from there, but after another 45 minutes I made an attempt to get the girls to sleep some: M: "Hey girls. It's bedtime, would you like to say your prayers and take a nap?" D3: "I will say the prayer."
Now I was expecting her to say the normal nighttime prayer that we always say together, but she surprised both W and I by making up her own:
D3: "Dear God, Thank you for our trip to grandpa's Thank you for horseback riding Thank you for us watching TV Thank you for grandma Thank you for going to church Thank you for Jesus And thank you for going back home Amen Thank you God"
It was our tantrumy 3 yr old that reminded us what the weekend was about. The rest of the evening was enjoyable for all.
[Journaling] Things have been going pretty well between us these past couple of weeks. We are both busy at work, but we have also got the house in the best shape it has been in a couple of years. We are working in synch with common goals, it is nice.
We have spent our MC sessions discussing how to best handle our challenging 3 yr old.
I think I will stop and get some flowers on my way home tonight. She has had a disappointing day at work.
Hoping everyone here is finding ways to enjoy this season.
Wow. It's been nearly a month since I have posted anything here. The holidays flew by. I am sorry for not coming back here more often and will be trying to catch up with you all over the next few days.
My W asked me about you all last night after we watched "An Emotional Life" last night. It is a very good mini-series on PBS if anyone is interested. Anyway, it led to a little bit of a relationship talk and me confessing that I am not healing from our ordeal as quickly as I had hoped. I assurred her that I was fine, but it was difficult for me to get back to where we were before. She said that she understood and that she was sorry.
The holidays were very enjoyable and we are continuing to move forward. Now that we are through them, we are making plans for a trip to PR and a move to Texas. AI continue to pray for all of you and wishing you the best. I will try to get up here more now that the holidays are over.
