Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

soleil, thank you for your advice. I like your idea to tell my W that I will go to counseling but my goal is not divorce. If she says that she will only go for closure should I still go or wait a bit longer? I've heard some people say that at least getting them to counseling is good and is a start. Others have told me not to go until she doesn't just want to discuss divorce. I hope you sitch works out for you and your H.

Wonderful, thank you for your support. I have made so many positive changes. Do you think she is taking note of these changes even though she still wants a divorce? I wish my wife would notice how serious I am about working to save our marriage. I have even gone back to church every week. This was something that was missing in my life for the past couple of years. I have some boundaries in my mind that I would like to set. Nothing big, just some things that I think are fair to me.

I've read DB, DR, Men are from Marrs (and all books by that author), Relationship Rescue, Getting Back Together, Desperate Marriages, Love Must Be Tough and some other books, I forget the titles. Also read books on depression and anxiety to help me.

I can understand how my wife's feelings towards me could have changed because of the tremendous stresses we were faced with over the past two years. I believe my W is frustrated with the outside circustances we had to deal with but she should at least consider this as to why she feels this way. She could at least try to talk to me about it and work with me to save our marriage.

About 10 months ago my W and I had an argument about the finances, my job, and the house. At that time she told me she wasn't sure if we were going to make it and maybe we should separate and go to MC. We talked that night and the next day I told her that I felt like we had figured it out from our discussion the night before and didn't need MC. Looking back on it now I guess I didn't realize that my wife really wanted MC. I figured she said that because we were having an argument. We were both extremely stressed and have been so from these outside circumstances for the past two years. I realize now that I didn't validate my W's feelings at that time and I regret that everyday now. I wish I could change that.

That was the only time that my W ever mentioned separation or MC. Since then I thought everything was fine. It seemed our marriage was strong. I wish I would have made these changes months ago. It's sad to me that my life around me was a mess for the past couple of years but I still had everything I wanted in life with my W. Now my life is getting better but my W, the only thing that matters most to me, is gone. I hope that I can have both soon and bring my W back.

I am so committed to my wife and our marriage. I'm doing everything I can to try and understand her feelings. I want to do this for me and for us. I want to be the best husband I can be for my wife.