What can I do to save my marriage? Help

[tryingtilDorR]

Yo tridoc - I am not sure how I missed your thread earlier but your initial post made the hair on my head stand up because it was so similar to my situation. I am not a doctor but was consumed with my career and other hobbies and also neglected my marraige (also have 4 kids to chase around).

My W did the same thing as yours except she moved out of the bedroom, not me (she has been out of bedroom for 7 months). She had an EA. Blames me for it and wants to 'prove' that she is ending the M because it has 'always been bad' and that OM has nothing to do with it. She doesn't want to work on M at all.

I also exposed her the same way you did - to a few close friends and family and she resented it terribly, and to this day says if I didn't expose her maybe we could have worked on it.

I did a complete 180 - turned to God, read every relationship book I could find, tried to be 'nice' etc etc. I have come out a much better person on the other end of this turmoil, so that is the silver lining even if M doesn't survive.


Anyway - we are following the same road I think. Your W needs to see reality at some point and make a final choice.

[Ready2Change]

Try this one:

Five Finger Death Punch - The Bleeding

I saw these guys live before the bomb. I wondered about the anger.....Not anymore.

[Sleepy]

Guys,

Thanks for piping in with support. While the music sucked, it didn't bother me that much. I have detached. If that is how she feels...... I really hope she is happy as the song says she is. Anyway, I wish she would get the context correct. It's a song about an abusive alcoholic relationship.

I'm going to let it slide this time. I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt. If it happens again, I'm following Robx's advice. It will become my favorite tune.

I went to work had a great day. The folks at work love my new look. The contacts make a huge difference. I get positive comments all the time.

I went to the gym, had a good workout which was interrupted by constant texts from two women at the same time for about an hour........ Not my W. If she only knew. I am GAL.

On my way out, I ran into my W coming in. "Oh, Hi" I said with a smile. She asked what I was doing and when I got off work and then she said "I haven't been able to work out all day because I have been home with the carpet cleaners. They are gone now, so the coast is clear for you now" (sarcastic tone). I said "OK bye, have a good workout."

I have to go home and sleep anyway because I have to work all night..... of course she will be sleeping while I work. I thought give me some slack woman and let a guy get in an hour workout without nagging. It was a selfish comment on her part.

R2C... That s**t is pretty dark. Maybe I should get her an ihome for her birthday and load it up for her to wake up to.

Thursday, the family and I are heading down to Cancun, Mexico for my daughters gymnastics meet. It will be a nice little break. My wife arranged to take the entire family there behind my back. My kids let me know what was going on." we weren't supposed to tell you" I let her have it and arranged time off work to go down there too. I had to arrange a separate flight though.

BTW, her birthday is coming up at the end of the month. Any suggestions from the DB gallery????

Hey trying, I will check out your sitch.... It's nice to know another kindred spirit that is a member of the club.

[Cadet]

BTW, her birthday is coming up at the end of the month. Any suggestions from the DB gallery????

I can relate what I did for your info: Out anniversary 26 years was in Oct 09, gave my W a present. She told me my present was: she has seen a lawyer and wants a D. Normally presents are seen as pursuing. JMHO.

[Sleepy]

I know presents are pursuing. But a birthday ? .... Come on.

[Drew]

Think twice.

[motherof3]

Yep.^^^^ Gift = Pursuing.

If you want to help the kids with a birthday gift for her that is okay.

But there should be no birthday gift from you.

[Sleepy]

Ok, I got it. It will be from the kids. That's what I did for Christmas. I didn't label the present and just said that it's from all of us.

[Ready2Change]

Any 180's from TAS? Stiring emotions? Mixed signals?

[Ready2Change]

BTW, her birthday is coming up at the end of the month. Any suggestions from the DB gallery????

I feel we should stay in the present, but planning for the future is not to bad. Next time you see her, tell her you have a surprise for her birthday. Do this with a twinkle in your eye. Then watch and listen. DO NOT GIVE ANY OTHER INFO.