Her judgement and aproach is so clouded. She is convinced she is on the right path. I wonder if things continue down this path and she for instance, marries the OM, will she ever understand the damage she has cuased and/or feel any remorse for her actions? Will she take any responsibility??!!
I need to quit thinking about this stuff.
Yep,you need to stop thinking about what she is thinking. You just do not know, so why go there. She still hasn't told the kids about the OM right? Do the kids know about the impending D and what that means? I assume they do b/c of your D6's statement to your W.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
As far as I know she has not told the kids about the OM. Given the kids were upset when we talked about what D means, I hope she is going to delay the intro. They need sometime to acclimate. She knows she is moving fast and that the OM factor will really impact them, as well as our R.
I did suggest family counseling yesterday so we can all flush out our feelings and to make sure the kids are in a good state of mind. She did agree to this.
This is good. My kids are a little older and I have made it clear to my kids that this is my wife's decision, not mine. How did you and your W present it to your kids? Did she shoulder the blame or did you do it equally?
My wife and I have not sat down together with the kids, my wife still does not want to face my S9 and tell him the truth. There is my positive in my sitch, there is a glimmer of remorse or guilt that is keeping her from telling him that she is done.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
I made the mistake of presenting the meaning of D to them on my own. I soon regretted it as they were pretty upset. I did this when she sent me the D paperwork on saturday. On Monday when she stopped by to say hi to the kids, I told her what the kids and I had discussed. I apologized to her becuase we had agreed that we would talk about serious matters that involved the kids together. In any case, she could tell I was still upset from the kids reaction to the news and came up and gave me a hug.
I doubt if she will shoulder any of the blame but I would like the kids to know this is her decision. Then again, what good would that do from the kids perspetive.
Your kids are younger and I can see shielding them. My D13 knows everything and my W told her on Oct 31st that she wanted a D and was never coming back. S9 on the otherhand knows it is mom's decision to continue to stay away, he asks her about it and she changes the subject or gets mad at him. I decided to tell him that she wants a divorce but that I was still trying. This was on Sunday morning after the late night Bar incident when I caught her liplocked with a random guy. My S9 started to cry and I got upset and I regreted telling him. He also could not go to sleep later that night, I had to lay down with him to get him to go to sleep. Later that day I told my wife that I had told him, I know she was relieved she did not have to do it, that was a mistake on my part.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
No butt kicking, actually I was very calm. I did not want to cause a scene. I did pull them apart, surprisingly I was not that emotional. It felt more like I was pulling my teenage daughter away from some guy not my wife. FB last: Mangano
Before I left the house I copied the pic onto my computer. It gives me resolve to not contact her when I look at it. I will have to see her tonight in about 1.5 hours when I meet her with my S9 so he can eat dinner with her. She will be dying to know if I contacted a Lawyer today. If she asks, I say that unless she wants to try to avoid added expenses by just her and I working it out then we should just let the lawyers take care of it. That will kill her, I actually don't meet with the L until Monday so there is nothing to say.
Last edited by missherlove; 01/05/1009:46 PM.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
The ONE big thing that I'm going to hate about D is having to tell or at least answer to the girls that I filed.
They know that I didn't want to leave. Who knows how it'll play out as they grow older. I've been talking to my sister a lot lately and we both had residual damage from our parents' divorce and there was really no blaming either side.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
MHL, I not know how you did it...I would have been all emotion. Good call with the L approach. My W has been driving my lawyer and I nuts...seriously, who gets dumped by their own L.
When I spoke with the kids about the D I told them we were still going to be the best family in the world, that mom and dad loved them, and that mom and dad still loved each other. They are young so I think this helped provide some comfort.
