feel like giving up - talk to me!

[luvless]

update on last night before leaving for what I thought was two weeks is now only 8 days.

H comes in and doesn't really say anything to me (remember I confronted him about that email) so he is standoffish. He goes to the room to pack for tomorrow and I go in after a bit.

He starts talking about the trip and stuff and wants my opinion on picking ties (like he usually does) but he says, "oh I guess you're not gonna wanna help me" mumbling something. I help him pick the right tie. He seems to be talkative - nerves maybe? just my thoughts...

He intiates talking about the email avidly denying anything is going on. He said, "if you don't trust me we got bigger issues." I tell him I thought that email was very disrespectful and if the roles were reversed he would feel the same. He did kind of agree but still said it was no big deal she's just a friend and needed to talk. I voiced my dissatisfaction with him speaking to any woman at the office about any personal issues.

We continue to talk while he is packing he is in the closet and comes over to me and kisses me...like a reassurance kiss? I don't know what to think. Also makes a comment about my shirt - "that's a nice shirt you're wearing." This is not all at once this is what went on over time.

It seems that he was trying to make peace or he was feeling like oh sh*t I better watch out she's gonna catch me...I just dont know! He finished packing and we sat on the bed and talked some more. He didn't seem angry and defensive as usual which was confusing me.

He said, "ya know..I'm still here that should mean something....if I had some ow I wouldn't come home." Then says, "I feel like you are pushing me out...is that what you want..it seems to me like that's what you want?" - whoa is this reverse psychology or what? I listen but can't believe.

I agree to trust him - he says, "thank you for that" (even though I don't feel that way) I said it. The kids interrupted so we really didn't finish talking but he said once again "I don't wanna fight." I agreed but told him talking about things is not fighting.

We go to bed and I've had my cell phone by my side cuz don't want a keylogger put in it LOL - so he says to me, "why are you going to bed every night with your cell phone and checking it every morning" LOL - is that reverse psych 101 or what? jeez this guy has NERVE. He said, "who is so important that you need to keep checking your phone?" I said, "you are important." He says, "goodnight hun." I say night.

This morning I'm with my laptop and he comes in the livingroom says, "why do you keep checking your laptop every morning?" is he wondering what I'm doing? or maybe that I'm checking on him? hmmm or is this a reverse psychology thing?

I've done these things on purpose to see if he notices - he obviously has - I figure why does he care (i know thats a sarcastic remark i know) but it bothers him I guess - just a teaspoon of the gallon of stuff he's brought my way.

I take him to the airport and he texts me he's boarding and to have a good day. I say "have a safe flight" - usually say love you - won't do it.

Ok guys - tell me what you think - hope I was brief and clear enough

Luv

[TrentC]

Ok guys - tell me what you think - hope I was brief and clear enough

I think you're spending wayyy too much time trying to read his mind.

You've accused him of being nervous, trying to reassure you, trying to play it cool so you won't suspect anything, suspecting you of spying on him, trying to employ reverse psychology on you, and possibly planning to put a keylogger on your phone.

And that is over the course of 24 hours!

You've also admitted that you do things intentionally to see how he reacts, but then you're surprised when he is bothered? (And it's okay because he's hurt you too?)

[luvless]

No Trent - this is not in 24 hours. These are my thoughts as things are happening...knowing my husband.

I know I've been told to stop reading his mind - I don't know what to believe anymore as you can see.

[Lotus]

I'm not surprised that distrust on your part feels like you are pushing him away from his side. This stuff can become a self-fulfilling prophesy. Why do people think they can be actively suspicious of the spouse and that it will have no affect?

[TrentC]

No Trent - this is not in 24 hours. These are my thoughts as things are happening...knowing my husband.

I assumed it was 24 hours because it looked like you said this started last night.

I know I've been told to stop reading his mind - I don't know what to believe anymore as you can see.

Then stop reacting to him. What happens if you stop responding to his verbal jabs and stop making a show of doing things that annoy him?

[luvless]

I see that Lotus. This is a pattern with him though.

I've been going through the years feeling like this is my fault (because I'm the untrusting one) but not anymore - he has consistently proven to me that my doubts are not unfounded.

I'm sorry he feels like that's pushing but I sure don't see it that way.

[luvless]

Trent - it goes both ways - I was just giving him a little dose.

I'm done though - he's gone for a week and I get a break. I'm going to focus on myself for a while.

Thanks for your input guys

[TrentC]

Trent - it goes both ways - I was just giving him a little dose.

Why do you think that will help things?

[luvless]

T - I don't think it helps but it at least it moves him. I won't push it.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

I'm also confused at trying to give him a dose too. so basically this "so called" reverse psychology really doesn't count because you've been acting suspicious on purpose. If you were doing the same things, then I would have another answer.

He said, "ya know..I'm still here that should mean something....if I had some ow I wouldn't come home." Then says, "I feel like you are pushing me out...is that what you want..it seems to me like that's what you want?" - whoa is this reverse psychology or what? I listen but can't believe.

this is exactly what I've been talking about. I really think that HE feels his efforts aren't being reciprocated. not saying your not doing anything, or your not trying..I know you are...but are you trying in the right ways?

I keep seeing little things that show he's trying, and now he mentions that he thinks your pushing him away..and I don't think that is reverse psychology either. He's totally confused.

So, I ask again what steps did you take when he shows he's trying that you are reciprocating? do you think it is in the way of his top 5LLs? I ask this so you can figure out what is happening these last few weeks.

your goal for the next 8 days is to focus on you.

But I would suggest thinking over the last 3 weeks to see if you were showing him love in the way HE wants to receive it.