This morning went so-so. Although the phase where every moment with H it seems he is angry with me has passed, it has devolved into jabbing "jokes." I'm trying sooooo hard not to take the bait. But it's difficult to stay PMA and calm when someone is passive aggressively belittling you - I suppose he is still trying to express his anger with me, albeit in a less hostile tone. At least it's less tense.
Last night, H starts "joking" about how I should clean up the coffee table, and search for something for him "because I don't have anything else to do." I think this expresses his resentment that I'm taking S to the snow for a couple nights - he backed out of joining us, so this doesn't seem fair. Perhaps he's just mad at me in general and at least his attacks are softening.
This morning, first thing, he complains about how the bedroom stinks of various cat smells (I know this is a big trigger for him from his childhood). I am so glad he is not yelling about this like he did a few months ago when a similar topic arose, but I felt attacked. Instead, tried to not take it personally, apologized, and said I would clean the bedroom again.
Here's the kicker - even after I listened and validated, he kept going on and on and on about it. That's hard enough, but it is EXACTLY WHAT HE EXPRESSED DISLIKE IN ME about yesterday during MC!!!! He said I bludgeon him with demands and go on and on and it's never good enough. I felt EXACTLY THE SAME WAY this morning when he starts going on and on and on about the horrifying cat smell and maybe something is dead in there, and maybe we're all going to get diseases, and I was barely awake I felt BLUDGEONED!
I got irritated when he moved on to "asking" if I made S's lunch last night as I said I would, pointing out I left a glass on the coffee table when he had asked me to clear it last night...on and on... and then when I got irritated, saying, "ok, stop implying that I'm lazy! I've had enough!" he "jokingly" calls me hysterical.
So I apologize but geez when is he going to come around and see his part in this? Still in denial - or fog?
It continued from there - I was distracting S from getting ready for school, did I get this done, did I get that done....but again, this is a step up from his bitterness and conviction that I "can't do anything and he has to do everything", the constant anger, etc.
I wonder if this is "abusive" or if it's the normal WAS spewing of "LBS can do nothing right" to justify their leaving.
But I am noting that he has toned down his anger, and that I too am working on staying as calm as possible.
He even thanked me for getting S dressed. I got a thank you!
MC says that as long as I continue to stay calm, don't counter-attack, listen, H will notice the changes in me and our R. Perhaps he is beginning to sense it?
