Dusk at Dawn.

[chatterbug]

Cutter, you did FABULOUS! WOW! I think she must have been floored by your confidence and take charge attitude!

Now this part confuses me:

LB: So do you see us working this out like them.
C: I would have to take some time to think about that. But in the current situation I do not see anything.
25 second pause.
C: So ladybug. How do you think.
LB: Repeated my words in the current situation I do not see anything.

Does LB want to work things out some day? Why did she ask?

She asked that question because I set her up for it. I wanted to end the conversation highlighting that I have dropped the rope. And I got her to say the exact same words back to me.

I needed to finish strong. I needed to say those words exactly how I said them.

This may be bad. But I felt very good throughout the conversation. I kept a very monotone voice. And did not ever hesitate when I spoke. And when I spoke it was exactly how you said. confidence and take charge attitude!

Now this is a 180. And I am going to communicate every thing now with her with confidence and take charge attitude.

This is the first time in my life that I heard her hesitate. I could feel her losing control of the conversation. Then I could tell that this conversation was not going according to plan.

I truly believe she came into that conversation thinking that she was going to gain control of me again. As I believe that things are starting to come undone. And she knows now that she has lost control of me. And I think she desperatly needed to take control of something. Must suck living with the boss in a rental. Kids hate you. Parents disappointed. Losing close friends due to her actions. Losing your husband's love. Losing control of life.
She has always been quick witted. Strong in conversations. Never pauses. And that was the first time I ever heard her hesitate, stutter and not sound confident.

Going foward each conversation with her now will be with purpose. Financial stuff. Within a day. BS stuff ignore. House and seperation stuff within a day.

I am going to have to process all this. As much has happened in the last few days with myself after such a tough holiday.

Hugs to everyone who has taken time out of their lives to help me. I will never forget this help. Unconditional love. Thankyou.

It took 7 months to get to this point.

As always. Opinions and 2x4's where needed.