Any tips to deal with Jealousy on my part

[P17]

Even with all this I still want her back so bad it hurts. What the hell is wrong with me? Most other men would have left HER already instead of the other way around.

One thing I learned about breaking from a relationship is that it is a CHEMICAL WITHDRAWAL. Sort of like going cold turkey. This isn't just about your heart and your head wanting her / not wanting her. It's about your body having a withdrawal from the chemicals that your M provided for so many many years. It's exactly the same when you fall in love - those chemicals (different ones) flood the body and produce the love high that new couples get. Those ones eventually fade and the others take over. The withdrawal from a relationship suppresses appetite, induces mild depression, causes insomnia etc. etc. The same issues that every single one of us have had on here.

So there are two reasons you want her back - the first one is you love her (or you wouldn't have been with her) and the second if the chemical withdrawal. An addict wants that next fix because it will make them feel good again not because they know it's good for them.

What will happen is that the chemical withdrawal fades as you get used to it and then you are left with two things - love or no love left. If you still have love for her then you fight. If you have no love left then you don't.

The chemical withdrawal is here to stay though. For a while. You just need to accept it and get on with things as there is absolutely nothing you can do about it other than GAL, which does help a lot. You replace the love lost from your W with love from others - family and friends.

Guess I have become too dependant on her for my own happiness and existance.

As Shrek says 'join the club, we've got jackets'. I think the vast majority of people on here have made our spouse the centre of our lives. That's too much pressure for somebody and makes you look like you have nothing but the M and the R to live for. Not attractive. That's why GALing is good for the M, the R and any chance of reconcilliation.

I know I can live without her but what kind of life? Guess Ill find out soon enough.

You will but you also know that is an irrational fear. Remember that - it's irrational. You will NOT be alone for the rest of your life. Come here and learn. Learn what others have to say about M, recovery, relationships in general and learn about yourself. I know that when my M ends (and I'm 99% sure it will) than I will be a 100 times better partner to the next woman I meet. I have learned SO MUCH from the people on here and about myself. This forum is a godsend for that.

Im not ashamed to say that the thought of starting over at 47 terrifies me. Im sure in time this will change.

It will. You'll realise how attractive your are to the opposite sex. But remember, I feared starting over at 36 ... it's irrational but that doesn't mean you don't think it. Just remind yourself when you do ... it's irrational.