Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Thinker]

Glad to hear from you and that you are back from the "boys roadtrip."

Isn't this

- Want to be married to me and openly state this.
- Verbally commit to the marriage.
(ie: say (in front of a C?) "I want to be married to you and I want to try to make this work")

pretty much THE impasse you and I (and others) share? I mean this IS the issue our W's don't seem to be able to get past. They don't want to lie to us that they CAN try and they don't want to make a decision.

Not beating you up, but do you really think your W can say these things right now? And, more importantly, CAN you stay if she doesn't?

Yes, it is the heart of the impasse.

I am also struggling with two ways to proceed. The first would be direct and 2 the point - "Unless you can agree to these points, then I will proceed with D. You have X amount of time to decide".

The issue I am having with the first is that it seems to be placing a demand on her to feel a certain way - ie "Love me or else" - not terribly productive. On the other hand it does allow me set a clear boundary with consequences (If you won't commit, then I won't stay married to you). It makes it difficult for her to play the role of victim.

The other would be to initiate D and watch her behavior. If she meets the requirements, then I stop. If not, then I continue with the D. This will likely lead to her playing the role of wounded victim ("see, you've always been a selfish unloving jerk")