#68 Santa baby...been an awful good girl!!

[AliSuddenly]

Hey K..I like his answer, that his heart and mind are NOT elsewhere, phew! As for the abstinence, I dont get it either. Guilt maybe? Fear you wont enjoy it and he will worry you will want a D afterall??

As for H not talking much.. I know bf gave me alot of answers in the early months, but only when I asked. It felt one sided. He would answer specific questions (I asked him tonnes) but he never elaborated, just as your H wont and had a short attention span for talks (1 hour max). He also never started convo's at all or volunteered any extra than the subject I was asking about. Later when he no longer wished to talk about it anymore, he said it was becuase we had "talked it to death" - I told him I disagreed, I had asked specific questions which he answered and thats all.

I asked him why he never volunteered anything himself or asked ME to talk, or asked ME anything, he said he didnt need to, for him it all felt like a very very long time ago and like it almost never happened at all, like it happened to someone else (because he wasnt himself then) and besides, he just wanted to forget about the whole thing and us to make a fresh start. He said he understood I needed to talk about it, but for himself, he would prefer to never talk about it ever again! Maybe its a man thing!?

I asked him why he felt as he did above and would react badly if I asked questions, like about her or their R and he said he hated these questions now and hated me feeling at all insecure and didnt want to ask me questions and have to hear about how much I suffered and how he hurt me because he felt guilty every single day for what he did. And now when I would act worried, about contact, or comparisons, or their R, it just made him feel more awful and guilty and hate himself for what he had done. Plus he was upset for me and really didnt want me to continue to suffer and worry, or feel insecure becuase there was really no need for me to anymore.

So from one WAS to another, I dont know if that helps at all to see it from his perspective??

I no longer need to 'go over things' becuase I already got answers. Maybe explain this to him again..you understand its difficult for him, but there are some things you need to lay to rest in your mind and you need HIS help with that?

xxx