Funny FIB, I was rereading history with my son and I was reminded that Hercules, went into a frenzy (I think Ira, Zeus wife had something to do with it) and killed his wife and kids (the first wife). After that, he spent many years trying to get over what he had done by helping others. Then he got his second chance with a woman he loved but she was the one that was trapped again by Ira I think-not sure- to actually murder him... K
Indeed...and..who was it who stayed on board the Argo when it landed at Lesbos? Didn't Herakles stay on board instead of go out and.......lol FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I am getting a history lesson in Greek mythology.....
<<that doesnt mean he is elsewhere with his mind or heart>>
ok so we figured out what it does not mean....now if we can only put our finger on what it does mean.
Anyhow, it sounds like you guys are headed in the right direction. Maybe the choice of movies should be looked at more closely and maybe the outbursts need to be controlled .... just need to crack that wall a little because talking to a wall can become boring. I am still perplexed with the abstinence...but I may be obsessed.
Hey K..I like his answer, that his heart and mind are NOT elsewhere, phew! As for the abstinence, I dont get it either. Guilt maybe? Fear you wont enjoy it and he will worry you will want a D afterall??
As for H not talking much.. I know bf gave me alot of answers in the early months, but only when I asked. It felt one sided. He would answer specific questions (I asked him tonnes) but he never elaborated, just as your H wont and had a short attention span for talks (1 hour max). He also never started convo's at all or volunteered any extra than the subject I was asking about. Later when he no longer wished to talk about it anymore, he said it was becuase we had "talked it to death" - I told him I disagreed, I had asked specific questions which he answered and thats all.
I asked him why he never volunteered anything himself or asked ME to talk, or asked ME anything, he said he didnt need to, for him it all felt like a very very long time ago and like it almost never happened at all, like it happened to someone else (because he wasnt himself then) and besides, he just wanted to forget about the whole thing and us to make a fresh start. He said he understood I needed to talk about it, but for himself, he would prefer to never talk about it ever again! Maybe its a man thing!?
I asked him why he felt as he did above and would react badly if I asked questions, like about her or their R and he said he hated these questions now and hated me feeling at all insecure and didnt want to ask me questions and have to hear about how much I suffered and how he hurt me because he felt guilty every single day for what he did. And now when I would act worried, about contact, or comparisons, or their R, it just made him feel more awful and guilty and hate himself for what he had done. Plus he was upset for me and really didnt want me to continue to suffer and worry, or feel insecure becuase there was really no need for me to anymore.
So from one WAS to another, I dont know if that helps at all to see it from his perspective??
I no longer need to 'go over things' becuase I already got answers. Maybe explain this to him again..you understand its difficult for him, but there are some things you need to lay to rest in your mind and you need HIS help with that?
xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I think one common thread in my XH, Ali's bf, and K's H is that they are non-confrontational.
I found with my XH, the rare times he would talk to me I had to be VERY quiet and wait. He needed a lot of space and time to talk. He needed to feel safe.
Getting him drunk also worked lol.
Non-confrontational combined with what Ali says about it being further in the past I think results in a lot of difficulty talking about it.
Was your communication ever Really good? What was different then? Are there things you could do now to make him feel safer about opening up?
Just my random musings.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Yeah Michelle, non-confrontational, or mask wearing people pleasers or.. well, not open and upfront! My bf conceals alot, he too mainly opened up when he was loosened with a couple of drinks! Shame your H doesnt drink K !
Afternoon by the way... its 2 degrees here, brrrrr !!!!! xx
Brr...that is cold especially since you are near the sea. We were 19f (-7c) this morning and not getting above 34f (1c) today. Weird for the Southeastern US.
Gabe is totally non-confrontational and so am I. That didn't make for even halfway normal communication. I'm learning, he isn't. Too bad for him!
K, have you found a MC yet?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Hi friends, not much to report here. I wish I had some exciting moments to share with you but nope, nothing. Sometimes it feels we are moving closer to each other, sometimes...forget it!
I started keeping a diary a week or maybe more ago. I write on one page, pretty much everything that crosses my mind (in a positive way) that bothers me and leave the opposite page blank. I have placed it in my drawer and will invite him to read and maybe respond/comment if he feels like it. We cant talk. At all.
MC is an issue. The one that sounded interesting wont take us in right now cause she may leave for 6 months. She will let me know in about 2-3 weeks.
I dont know. I dont want to live like this for ever. I hope things improve. K
I found out that the OW will do a survey at/about the airport. She may have to talk to me or friends of mine . How about that? Should I tell H? I cant believe she took such a job. She must be desperate!!
