Here's my story..midlife crisis/infidelity

[January girl]

Awoken,
I will start those things today!
You have no idea how much I needed these
words to simply go on....
Thank you

[Awoken]

JG,

You're welcome. We all need the support here.

I had a couple of other small thoughts for you:
It's the holidays and it looks like a lot of the veterans are not posting as much. Keep posting until you hear from them, I think you need advice about your husbands A from one of them (Puppy, Sandi?)

Keep in mind that so many more people are reading your posts than ever reply to them, so you have a lot of people thinking about you and praying for you.

I think it helps to post what you are doing, what you goals are. You'll have a record of what you are doing, what you are thinking, like a journal. Then we here can support you better.

[Awoken]

Hi JG,

Are you still out there, post something and let us know what is going on. How are you doing?

[January girl]

Hello friends,
I'm still here.....I'm really struggling....he is moving out
very soon now.....I'm just SO tired....our little guy is so young...I cried and cried last night when he got me up in the
night due to teething. I know in my heart that the road ahead
is all uphill. I'm distancing myself emotionally because I have to in order to save my sanity. Any day now we are going to have "the talk" with our daughter (age 9.) Just thinking about that day makes me sick to my stomach. I told him he could only
take out of the house what he brought into our marriage. Just thinking about OW touching anything he and I have owned makes me want to throw up.

[Awoken]

Hi JG,

I'm glad you posted, I've been checking to see how you were doing.
I can relate to the struggling, and being SO tired!

"I know in my heart that the road ahead is all uphill"

I know this feeling very well. What we/you are faced with often seems impossible. It's seems so unfair too. I can tell you from my own limited experience, and from reading so many threads here that its NOT ALL uphill. You will have some better days, and sooner than you think. Then it will get worse again. Right now I'm focusing on knowing that however my sitch turns out, I will be a happier, better man and father in the end. There are a lot of people here that survive this and come out better in the end, and you can do it too.

I'm distancing myself emotionally because I have to in order to save my sanity.

I think this is good, although I know its so painful. You need to act as if your H has already gone, and you are moving on with your life. I'm not saying that you should stop loving H, but work on your detachment.

A very wise person named Coach started a thread on detachment which you should read: Here's the link

Any day now we are going to have "the talk" with our daughter (age 9.)

I'm sure you are dreading this. You need to prepare for it! Don't just show up, have a plan. My W wants to have the talk with my two kids sometime soon, so I've been reading lots of threads here about how to handle it. Here are my thoughts:

Only you know what is best for D9, but I think it's important to make sure H takes responsibility for his actions. You should talk to IC about this, and you decide what you think is best for D9.

However, I think that your H should explain what his decisions are. You should be there, and correct any half-truths. He may want to say that you two decided together. You need to be there to make sure that D9 is protected, because your H is likely thinking more of himself.

You need to prepare emotionally for how it may go, and rehearse being strong and calm for D9.

If you need more time to prepare, tell H that you want more time to think about it. Be the calm, in control, new JanuaryGirl! You're not trying to control him, but if he is not going to be a part of your M, then you will make your own decisions!

Keep me/us posted, and hang in there.

[January girl]

I spent some time out of the house last night by myself. What is SO strange is that when I'm home I want to escape and when I'm out I want to go home. I am able to think more clearly when I am by myself however. I know I need to get mentally ready for "the talk." I'm trying SO hard to visualize myself remaining calm and collected. I DO know that I'm not going to say that we both want out of the marriage because I DO NOT. I'm also not going to say divorce but separation instead. I pray every day for the strength to say the right words to both my daughter and my MLC husband. Truth be told, I'm hoping for a miracle to happen before that day.

[Awoken]

(((JG)))
Good you took some time for yourself. It's tough enough with a WAS, but then it's also easy to feel like your home is gone too.

I was really feeling trapped in my own home too; I still do sometimes!. I redecorated the master bedroom for myself (W is in guest room). Maybe you could start changing the home to suit your needs, make some changes that make it new and more JanuaryGirl. Make it part of your 180's and GAL, and the home might be more comfortable for you when you are there.

You sound like you are making good preparations! Keep it up, especially the visualizations and prayer. You will have the strength for this.

Keep in mind, too, that even if you have the talk that it's not final. Many people here have separated, filed for D, and then reconciled.

[Ready2Change]

Here is a link to my thoughts on "the talk"

The talk Thread

[January girl]

Ready2change-
Thanks for the great link. I think I will have to re-read it a couple more times before it happens but it gave me quite a bit of insight.

Awoken-
Thanks (as always) for the encouraging words. Believe it or not I hadn't even thought about the fact that after "the talk" things could change with H and I. I know that sounds strange but I guess in my mind once we have "the talk" everything is over for my marriage. Obviously, not very sound thinking on my part.

I had to go to a meeting last night so I was gone again. When I got home I picked up the house and went on into the bedroom to read. I am so sad when I look at him because of this huge void that seems to be growing between us. I imagine he spends most of his time thinking about OW. Who could possibly be so great as to take this man away from his children? I have started thinking about my life when he is gone. I am starting to understand that H will have to go thru this midlife crisis to get to the other side. I just don't see myself standing there on the other side many times...other times I do.

[Steve McQueen]

(He is classic MLC and depression.)

could you please explain why you believe this? defining what "classic MLC" means to you may help to understand.

and, why this is important to dwell upon?