Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[givingitmyall]

you know-you are right.

I had some really good teachers.

you know-you are right. I want control, but I will never get it.

You never HAD it. None of us did. We just didn't know we didn't.

Tough to come to terms with that. But the sooner you do, the easier this stuff gets.

[SoldierDad]

luvless,

I have HARD evidence as well, but she refuses to admit to ANYTHING. She deflects all of it into it being MY fault. No admission, just deflect to what I have done to help with the demise of the M. Wouldn't it be easier to repair the M if they just admit to the A, so that the repair and work could be done?

I think my W is so far into her issues that she believes that she is too far gone to ever come back. Her brothers have told her they want nothing to do with her, and I know this hurts her-and she blames ME for that division.


What has she to lose by D me? She probably feels like she has lost everything anyway-but I can't mind read.

I am preparing myself for D. It's all I know right now-W has NO intention of working with me.

[SoldierDad]

The more I think about what I did, the dumber I feel.

I had taken control of MYself, and MY place in my sitch.

I feel like I was weak, and she saw me as weak, and now, I am paying the price for that.

Stupid Soldier.

I desperately WANTED to believe her.

I WANTED to trust her.

I BELIEVED her.

Shame on me, ALL Cheaters LIE.

Gotta start doin' the work again, and get back to basics.

[SoldierDad]

I think it is time to admit to myself that no matter what I do, no matter what I think, no matter what I say, I can't help my Wife.

I desperately want her to get help for her "problems", but I can't MAKE her.

I can feel myself losing hope. I can feel myself getting closer to the realization that what I want, isn't what I get.

I don't want to lose my W, but I think I have finally realized that I already have.

I don't recognize her anymore. I don't know her anymore. She isn't the woman I married.

I want to work on our Marriage. I want her to want to work on our Marriage. It just isn't ever going to happen, I know that now.

I have to live my life for me and my boys. My Wife is no longer my wife.

[givingitmyall]

Stupid Soldier.

NO MAS! You, like everyone else here, are human. That means as hard as we try, we WILL make mistakes. It's inherent in who we are.

The right frame of mind is critical to making progress in your M. SHE will try to batter and bruise your self esteem. You DON'T need to help her.

So, cut yourself some slack and focus on improving, not being perfect.

[SoldierDad]

gima,

I had the opportunity to do alot of thinking today. I am at the point where I THINK I am comfortable saying that my M is over, and there is no hope to repair it.

Now, I must begin the next part of this journey, and start to plan for a future w/o my W.

Hope is something that has repeatedly kicked me square in the N.U.T.S.

I begin to heal - tonight. I will no longer let her hurt me by making me feel bad for what she has done. I take back that power from her. She has NO power over me anymore.

[givingitmyall]

gima,

I had the opportunity to do alot of thinking today. I am at the point where I THINK I am comfortable saying that my M is over, and there is no hope to repair it.

Now, I must begin the next part of this journey, and start to plan for a future w/o my W.

Hope is something that has repeatedly kicked me square in the N.U.T.S.

I begin to heal - tonight. I will no longer let her hurt me by making me feel bad for what she has done. I take back that power from her. She has NO power over me anymore.

And now you are heading in the right direction. You can choose to remain open to working on the M, if she convinces you she is sincere in wanting to do so. But, you continue down the path of saving and healing yourself, for yourself and your kids. The rest has to sort itself out.

Understand you will probably cycle back and forth for a while. It's a lot easier to deal with when you know it's coming. It takes time, but you are heading in the right direction.

[SoldierDad]

Well,

I hope I am. I just feel tired, and wore out over it all. I think I have reached my threshold for the amount of damage I am going to allow myself to take.

I am quite sure I will be bouncing around for awhile, but I feel I am in a better place now.

I have alot of work to do in the next 2 months to prepare myself for what is to come. I envision her doing something similar to what she did as I left. I just have to be prepared for it.

[givingitmyall]

I have alot of work to do in the next 2 months to prepare myself for what is to come. I envision her doing something similar to what she did as I left. I just have to be prepared for it.

Once you remove her as the source of your happiness, it gets much easier to deal with her nonsense. I'm sure you've read it here already, but you, and you alone, are responsible for your happiness. Not her, not anyone else. So, focus on doing things for yourself that bring you joy, peace and wisdom.

[SoldierDad]

gima,

to be honest, I haven't been happy in a long time. I am just now realizing that.

In the past, my W has done similar things to make ME feel like I did something wrong. She would either tell a small lie, stretch the truth to make it fit, or change the story to cover her a$$. I, for the longest time - accepted that behavior from her, after all, I loved her, she MUST be telling the truth - RIGHT?

I will no longer feel bad for the way she acts/conducts herself. I cannot control her. She is doing everything on her own.

I will no longer allow ANYONE to lie to me, and feel bad for them doing so.

I will NEVER enable another person by accepting behavior that I know is detrimental to my relationship with that person.

I CAN'T fix my wife...