Hey guys, I'm not implying the LBH is the guilty party! I was simply expressing my "personal" stitch and how I would have reacted to exposure and how I feel inadequent to tell a LBH the steps to take in exposusre. Many of our members will answer a first time poster and tell him to expose the A and then never return to guide him in "how to" do it. So, when the newcomer does it unprepared.....it's not good.
Anyway, I'll not continue on with this. Thanks Cutter and the rest of you for your replys. I do try to support exposing as best as I can, but I sure believe a confrontation & boundary needs to be set in place.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I would love nothing more than to confront OM at work. I think it would really get to him if I did. I did some research on HR websites (pathetic I know!) and he could possibly claim harassment if I did. My W knows what I think of her R with him and that is what is most important.
If it escalates (S or D), I have his gmail address from his communications with my W and I could always send him a email that starts with "I obtained your personal email address via your inappropriate communications with my W". I would then love for him to show that one to HR!
I ended up in an R discussion with W yesterday....
She still doesn't see what there is to save in our R so she is still in the thick of the fog. I validated again how I contributed to her unhappiness w/o taking responsibility for her having an A. I again told her that her R with OM is preventing us from working on our R and she started shaking her head as if no. I calmly said STOP, we both know he is a factor in what is going on between us right now. She said nothing immediately after this. She later said that she had wanted to S to see if we would miss each other and that I might be surprised and not miss her. I told W that I already knew from my standpoint, I have been without you for a year now and know that I miss you (bad DB but I felt honesty was appropriate in this particular situation).
I left and went upstairs to get ready to go to the gym. Came back down and she was crying a little and said "thanks, you said some really nice things". I am thinking WTH! I don't know what she meant. Was it the validation of her loneliness? Was it my admitting that I had missed our emotional connection? IDK.
I go to the gym and come back and it is as if none of it had happened. Strange..........
I am confused as usual. I did a lot of reading on Retrouvaille today and really thought that if I could get W to go it would help us work this out. Thought about sending her the info, especially their article on the four stages of marriage (W thinks our problem is unique to us and therefore not normal or solvable). I came home, went to the gym and abandoned that idea for now.
Ok, that's all good for PC's what about MAC OS. I just go into my history and selectively clear out this. To clear out google toolbar I reset Safari. Any other suggestions. Somehow my W knows I'm doing this. I can't figure out how.
Anyone know how to selectively clear iPhone history? I just clear it out everytime I come here.
BTW, the nice things you said... Something did happen. Keep it up man. Sow those seeds. You have the ring. You have the advantage. The OM is a gamble that is a sure loss.
Me:49 W: 41 Kids=D14/D14/S10 Married: 15 Together: 16 Bomb: 08/26/09 Currently: separated but in the different houses.
She later said that she had wanted to S to see if we would miss each other and that I might be surprised and not miss her. I told W that I already knew from my standpoint, I have been without you for a year now and know that I miss you (bad DB but I felt honesty was appropriate in this particular situation).
that's right, Junco. There is a place for the truth to be spoken. And it is more effective than any prepared speech you can come up with. Marriage is all about communication. When people speak from the heart, and the other spouse listens from the heart, it makes a connection.
i think you should tell her about Retrouvaille and the 4 stages of marriage. It is so true. there is hope here.
Ok, that's all good for PC's what about MAC OS. I just go into my history and selectively clear out this. To clear out google toolbar I reset Safari. Any other suggestions. Somehow my W knows I'm doing this. I can't figure out how.
Well, if your browser history is always completely blank, she would figure it out.
Private browsing in both Safari and Firefox only work while they are enabled. So you can have your normal browser history, drop into private browsing to visit here, then pop back out.
Firefox will also allow you to clear the last hour, 2 hours, 4 hours, or 24 hours of browsing history. Handy for online gift shopping...
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
BTW, the nice things you said... Something did happen. Keep it up man. Sow those seeds. You have the ring. You have the advantage. The OM is a gamble that is a sure loss.
Thanks TriDoc, I did take that as a positive even if I am not sure what she meant. Gotta have faith I guess.
BTW, I don't think you can selectively clear iPhone history. As far as how your W knows you are clearing the history, she may be checking the clock when you are on the PC and then when she doesn't see corresponding times in the history, it is clear the you are deleting. If you want to deter this, keep a second window open to CNN or something and every 5 minutes or so, go back to it and load a new article
