Here's my story..midlife crisis/infidelity

[Awoken]

Hi JG,

I'm glad you posted, I've been checking to see how you were doing.
I can relate to the struggling, and being SO tired!

"I know in my heart that the road ahead is all uphill"

I know this feeling very well. What we/you are faced with often seems impossible. It's seems so unfair too. I can tell you from my own limited experience, and from reading so many threads here that its NOT ALL uphill. You will have some better days, and sooner than you think. Then it will get worse again. Right now I'm focusing on knowing that however my sitch turns out, I will be a happier, better man and father in the end. There are a lot of people here that survive this and come out better in the end, and you can do it too.

I'm distancing myself emotionally because I have to in order to save my sanity.

I think this is good, although I know its so painful. You need to act as if your H has already gone, and you are moving on with your life. I'm not saying that you should stop loving H, but work on your detachment.

A very wise person named Coach started a thread on detachment which you should read: Here's the link

Any day now we are going to have "the talk" with our daughter (age 9.)

I'm sure you are dreading this. You need to prepare for it! Don't just show up, have a plan. My W wants to have the talk with my two kids sometime soon, so I've been reading lots of threads here about how to handle it. Here are my thoughts:

Only you know what is best for D9, but I think it's important to make sure H takes responsibility for his actions. You should talk to IC about this, and you decide what you think is best for D9.

However, I think that your H should explain what his decisions are. You should be there, and correct any half-truths. He may want to say that you two decided together. You need to be there to make sure that D9 is protected, because your H is likely thinking more of himself.

You need to prepare emotionally for how it may go, and rehearse being strong and calm for D9.

If you need more time to prepare, tell H that you want more time to think about it. Be the calm, in control, new JanuaryGirl! You're not trying to control him, but if he is not going to be a part of your M, then you will make your own decisions!

Keep me/us posted, and hang in there.