K4D It's a Wonderful Life

[K4D]

Tonight I had to work late. W already knew. D12 had choir tonight. I didn't get off until it was almost to close to get her to choir. W went and picked up D7 at the last minute. She asked me to take D12 to choir. I said we won't have time to make it. She said she needs to go. Again I said I won't have time to get her there. W says she can't miss more than 3 times. She then said I can pick up D7 at her house and she will take D12 downtown to the choir. I said fine, whatever. She said by. So I get to the house. I decide I will go ahead and rush D12 there even though neither of the girls have eaten and W waited til the last second to pick up D7 from school. I also had to stop and get gas. I said isn't she considered absent even if she is tardy? That was my understanding anyways, W says she doesn't think so. Ok fine. I will take them.

I go into the house for a second without the kids and W says to me "How was avatar?" I said it was good. I asked her how she liked it to. She said she did. Then she gets snippy with me and says next time I go to a movie for a couple hours to call her so she can spend some time with the girls. Stupid and pathetic me said "ok". Man that was stupid of me. Later on I thought, geez, I should have said, thanks for the suggestion, I will keep that in mind next time and left it at that. But no, I couldn't think on my feet yet again. I'm sitting here thinking, what about when she hires a baby sitter and doesn't ask me if I want the kids? How about the fact every single time I have ever brought something like that up she has ALWAYS had plans. I was supposed to finally assume for one brief period she actually didn't have plans on a saturday afternoon? I'm stunned. This is a first ever since we started exchanging the kids. None the less, another opportunity blown to DB because I was to slow and stupid to think on my feet when she came at me with that in her mood.

I took D12 to her choir and thought about it the whole way there. I get so tired of me being the nice one and I get no respect. It isn't until I become not so nice that all of a sudden she treats me with more respect. Stupid.

As selfish as this sounds and is, I truly hate my life. I truly hate myself. I just don't enjoy my life at all. I truly hate it. I feel like I live in a cave in this apartment. I hate coming home alone every other week at night. I don't get why I basically have to be a jerk to get any respect from her. I don't like being a jerk. I feel like a jerk if I set a real boundary with her and enforce consequences. It is hard to set a boundary and enforce it and not feel like a jerk.

Kevin