I have no control over his behavior. He has been sending me mixed messages and I'm sick of it
actually, when people are here on these boards, I usually tell them that the mixed messages, the confusion, is a good sign. for most people, we get on here when our S doesn't want anything to do with us. You are not in as bad of a position, because your spouse is still confused. He's not wanting out, he's not wanting to leave, he's just not sure.
confusion is okay..it means they don't want to lose you, but they are not sure that things will change or ever be better, and when there is someone else, it makes that decision harder because they think it could be "greener on the other side", especially when the LBS doesn't show them consistent change, or a reason why it can be greener on the side they already have.
So, don't lose hope with mixed signals. I remember being happy when my H was doing that!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
okay, now I'm going to talk about what your doing.
remember, the goal of DB is to...
1. STOP CHASING 2. GAL 3. WAIT
what have you done recently? you asked him about the email...that's CHASING...your wanting to email the girl...more chasing.
you need to stop the chasing and start GALing.
2 things.
why do you think he has an alcohol problem? from what you have written lately, I'm not seeing it. Is he getting drunk everyday, or 4-5 times a week? is he missing work because of it? Has this been a long term thing, or when did it start?
as G said, this will make a difference in setting boundaries, so the answers are important.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I avoid him and he comes in the room later to ask me, "are you ok?" (hasn't asked me anything like that lately) and I say, "no I'm not." He comes over and says, "I don't wanna fight"...I say, "me either" I say...come here and we hug and he gives me a kiss. We can't get our sh*t together huh? what is wrong with this?? this was good!
This morning just a matter of fact morning but when he goes to leave he puts his arm around me and kisses me and tells me to have a good day. I don't know. another positive
Then I find an email this morning from a woman from the office that says she can't wait to talk to her friend tomorrow is not coming fast enough! I call him on and ask him. He denies anything (of course) he says, 'I've done nothing wrong." I am a fool for wanting to believe him but I know it can't be the truth. it doesn't matter what he's done, and you snooping is only going to make it harder for you. you know it's a possibility, no reason to snoop more right now.
He is texting me back and forth while driving (he never does that) to tell me I have nothing to worry about. I don't know what to think anymore. I just don't. don't think about that anymore, it won't do you any good. focus on what your suppose to focus on!
He leaves tomorrow morning for his two week business trip. I'm sure she is going so that will be nice for me to think about. I think I'll puke out a lung on that one. again, don't focus on this, it doesn't matter right now. focus on having fun and being full of life!
Well...guys I don't know but it seems things are winding down for me - we shall see where this goes.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
IMHO I think you should txt him some really sexy pics or flirt on the phone while he's away...don't contact him at all except for that, unless he contacts you. give him something to look forward to when he gets back. and DON'T expect a response back, and don't ask why he doesn't respond, if he doesn't. Act like your the hottest thing on earth!
and let me ask..when was the last time you did something like that? when was the last time you initiated? or is that something you always did?
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
okay, now I'm going to talk about what your doing.
remember, the goal of DB is to...
1. STOP CHASING 2. GAL 3. WAIT
what have you done recently? you asked him about the email...that's CHASING...your wanting to email the girl...more chasing.
you need to stop the chasing and start GALing.
I KNOW i need to do this - not for him for me - it's all I have left
2 things.
why do you think he has an alcohol problem? from what you have written lately, I'm not seeing it. Is he getting drunk everyday, or 4-5 times a week? is he missing work because of it? Has this been a long term thing, or when did it start?
He's always drank - never knows when to stop is the problem. He is getting drunk more than normal. The kids don't like it and voice their opinion and he still does it. He hasn't missed work because of it - yet.
as G said, this will make a difference in setting boundaries, so the answers are important.
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
IMHO I think you should txt him some really sexy pics or flirt on the phone while he's away...don't contact him at all except for that, unless he contacts you. give him something to look forward to when he gets back. and DON'T expect a response back, and don't ask why he doesn't respond, if he doesn't. Act like your the hottest thing on earth!
and let me ask..when was the last time you did something like that? when was the last time you initiated? or is that something you always did?
Sexy inuendos...not always but yes. I've sent him boob pics or suggestive stuff through email or text. It is something I have done before. I do initiate too so it's not unusual.
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
Luv, I think ST's right about the mixed signals. At least he's conflicted!!!! I know this is a rough day for you, w/him leaving and all... HUGS, friend!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
and secondly, don't respond to that text. It will do no good.