Am I Ready for This?

[ddstartingover]

(((Upside))) - It's good to see you back. I came back to get help through the holidays, and have checked on you from time to time.

I hope your father continues to do well. I know how stressful and consuming caring for a parent can be.

I lost my father at the beginning of what now seems to be the end of my marriage. I've often wondered if my father's death was the catalyst to H's MLC. Knowing that H was turning to OW when I was dealing with it all makes it all hurt more.

I wish I could say I didn't feel the pain as much as I did when I first came here----but I do. I can say that it doesn't consume me as much as it used to, but when it sneaks back up on me it's overwhelming. Having a full time job helps keep focused on other things---and dealing with all of my extra responsibilities around the house and working full time keeps me from doing anything for me. I don't know how it's supposed to be done.

I understand the feeling of being ready to move forward. I can't even imagine 3 years! It's been 18 months since my H moved out. Although he has e-mailed several times that he's done and ready to move on, he has not filed, or pushed for a D. Part of me thinks it's all financial (or that he just wants me to do all the work), since he has made it quite clear that he is DONE, but in any case I'm still standing with very weak knees. I can truly say that although I still love H with all my heart, I don't like the person he has become. I wish there was a way to know what person he will be when this is over----or if it is over for him, and this is who he is now.

Anyway, I'm rambling. I do hope you are doing well and I hope that 2010 will have the answers for both of us-----whatever they may be.