I'm so glad that Greek mentioned this b/c it is the usual reaction of most WAW's who thinks her LBH is trying to fix her or else thinks he believes that "sex takes care of everything".
Quote:
I will tell you that my experience in this arena was different, though, so in the interest of giving you an array of perspectives, when Coach made this suggestion to me while we were in hell, I resented it very much. I saw it as him wanting to fix me - that something was wrong with me and that's why we were having problems.
An EA is never to be taken lightly. If there is any other man who your W seems to be emotionally close to (that is not her blood relative), then you need to take that seriously. Do you have a way to check her phone bills or anything else that may shed some light on it?
I have heard of another couple or two that has tried to live their S lives the way you & your W are thinking of doing and it is a terrible idea, IMO. These are some of my reasons.
You want to have her suffer the consequenses of her decision. What will she suffer? To me, you will be the one who is opening your home to her whenever you are not there. The fact that she'll be coming over to "live" in your house while you are gone working....has a way of keeping her connected to the family unit. I'm sure that is what you want, but it is not what she needs at this time. She needs to be out of your home and your life as much as possible. If she comes over like that, she will still feel that she has "run of the house" to do like she did whenever she lived there. She is S from you and therefore should not have that privledge. (See what I mean?) She needs to realize that she "lost" that privledge when she decided that she wanted to leave you.
Another reason is b/c it will be "cake eating" for her. Big time. She isn't attracted to you, so she doesn't have to be around you or sleep with you......yet, she gets to stay with her son and be in her former home. Life would be sweet!
She needs t see you taking over the house with your own style of decorating. You & son need to turn it into the bat cave or something. That would hit her with the message that she gave that up to have her "space". I'm sure you can think of other ways that she might get that message. She needs to experience loss and shock. IMHO, that is what gets the attention of a WAW, and especially one who is in an EA. So, what will shock her.....you GAL and the idea you can be just fine without her?
Another reason is.....what about you GAL? When you are home, you'll want to be with your son. You are already talking about you & W doing "family stuff" with the son. So, when does that leave you for GAL? Don't say when you are traveling b/c that doesn't count.
Okay, you spoke of the dating question and said you did not want to date. How do you feel about "her" dating OM? I think she will whether you agree or not. But here the deal, she needs to see you dating OW, or at least think you are "available" to OW. I know that seems extreme, but it certainly spurs the "attraction button" and it would have worked real quick for me if my H had done that. You do not have to get into serious dating (but don't tell her that). You could go out to dinner or a movie with some lady friend. You can tell a person that you are M and that you are not looking for anything other than a friend to share dinner or a movie with. But your W doesn't have to know all those details. You need to be mysterious b/c that adds a lot of interest to an old R.
I know you think this is for your son's best, but I don't think it will be in the long run. How long could two people live like that? Besides, didn't you say something about boarding school? She plans to tell him the day he finds out if he's leaving or not? So, if he doesn't go, is she suggesting that she will stay?
I am sure her friends have a huge influence on her, but you are doing the right thing by not refering to them.
BTW, who will be paying for her apartment?
Keep posting.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
